So against your better instincts you’ve fallen in love with a sexually vanilla person. It happens. The old saying “you can’t help who you fall in love” with is very true. The problem is, you’re really into kink and bdsm and you don’t want to let go of it whatsoever; you need it in your sex life. So how do you find middle ground? Is it possible to coax a vanilla to a halfway point, even a quarter way point? In my experience, yes it is, but it’s not easy.
Ways to find compromise with a Vanilla
Slow and Steady Wins the Spank
Do not try to rush your vanilla partner into anything, period. You can’t expect them to jump right into a diaper and be tied up and gagged. Slowly introduce them to elements of kink and bdsm until they are comfortable with more. You shouldn’t expect them to try anything themselves at first, just talk about your fantasies and introduce them to your favorite kinks. Have them try out things on you and you only.
Use Your Imagination
This is key on nights when your vanilla is just not into any kink or bdsm at all. Just imagine it. Look into your partners eyes, but imagine you’re doing the things you wish you were doing, all the while having “normal” vanilla sex. It works, trust me.
Watch Videos
I find this is a great way to introduce a vanilla into the world of kink. It’s not the two of you trying things out in real life where one is uncomfortable, rather you’re watching different types of kink that you’re into to help ease your partner into knowing what you like and want. Often I’ve found there will be “Oh, I get it” moments where the vanilla realizes it’s not as nasty as they had imagined and then find themselves more comfortable and willing to try certain things out.
Accentuate The Positive
Once you’ve introduced kink into the bedroom, focus on things your partner is most comfortable with, and put the rest on the back burner. This runs the risk of you getting bored quickly, but at least you’re getting something you like out of it, and eventually, one would hope, your partner will become more at ease with kinkier explorations. It helps to use positive reinforcement. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them entering your kinky world. This will remind them that they’re helping to fulfill your desires, and hopefully will want to continue doing so.
Safety First
A vanilla person is often concerned with the safety of those involved in kink and bdsm activities. Be sure to run down safety issues carefully to help put your partners mind at ease. Teach them about safe words. This will go a long way in making your vanilla partner comfortable and to keep the doors open for more and more kinky play.
Check out: How to Tell Your Lover that You’re Kinky
I hope this helps. If you have any other tips for a kink vanilla mixed relationship, please share below!
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