You have all the right kinks in common with an amazing woman you met on a BDSM dating site. You get along great, and the sex is through the roof. Then, poof! she disappears.
To your surprise, when you finally get her to call or message back, she says she’s “not interested.” Say what?
A frequent complaint from people in the dating world, online and off, is that people lose interest after a few weeks of chatting and dating, even when it seems like the chemistry is right.
Here are some reasons why she might lose interest quickly.
Variety really is the spice of life.
Some women aren’t looking to settle down, and even if you are both poly and dated with that understanding, she still has to choose carefully among suitors because there’s only so much time.
There’s also this cold reality: just as guys sometimes enjoy sex with a new girl and then move on to another woman, some women also grow bored and want a new thrill.
She got scared by the intensity.
It could be the opposite—exploring our fetishes can take a lot of trust, open up wounds and memories. Intense attraction and hot kink can overwhelm a woman, and if she feels too much, she might want to take a few steps back.
It’s too much too soon.
There are times when you both jump in blind and give in to the powerful attraction and emotion. If a relationship accelerates too fast, when the spark starts to fizzle, there’s nowhere to go but south.
This whirlwind is incredible for fleeting affairs. The high is wild, and the end comes fast. Be deliberate about pacing a new relationship if you’re hoping for longevity.
You creeped her out.
I was going out with a very attractive guy once, and we had great sex. I tried all kinds of amazing kinks with him, and showed him a few ropes too.
One morning he wanted to ejaculate onto a little plate and spoon feed it to me. I was grossed out. He said I was belittling his body fluids.
It’s always best to tread lightly with your kinks when you introduce them, so that you can draw back if someone’s not into it.
Don’t take it too hard if she runs for cover. Admit it, you’ve been really turned off by a woman’s fetish at some point too.
Your one-track mind has taken you off track.
Even if you both love sex and have met specifically for frequent, casual kinky play, a woman does have a whole life outside of the bedroom.
If my partner doesn’t grasp that sometimes I have to work late, want to see my girlfriends, have to take the dog for a run, or that I’m just tired and don’t feel like a big elaborate scene for sex, well, that can make me feel like he doesn’t acknowledge me as a whole person.
Make sure that you sometimes ask her about her day and see her as a physical, emotional, spiritual, and professional being, not JUST a sexual one.
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