If you get slammed with a hard-on every time you hear the word virgin, you’re not alone. Virgin play has a place in many kinks and fetishes.
Let’s take look at a the backstory of virginity fetish, and then I’ll present a few ways you can indulge in virgin fun with a partner.
Virgin Fetish History & Culture
Many cultures share a historic reverence and near-fetishization of virginity, often bordering on obsession and even sadistic violence.
Women were valued if they were “pure” and untouched, or else pumping out babies. This was a cultural compulsion to control women, a fear of women’s power if they were free to wield their sexuality as they saw fit.
Women who are not virgins, or who have had premarital or extramarital sex, are still lashed, imprisoned, or disowned in many places today. A daughter’s virginity is somehow tied to a man’s honor, and it is socially acceptable to kill her if she shames the family.
Hymen restoration is a popular plastic surgery in some regions of the world where wedding night virginity is symbolically potent. There are also horrific practices such as female genital mutilation, performed on children, where clitorises and labia are cut away. The practice aims to preserve a girl’s virginity, and girls who aren’t cut are not able to find husbands.
A virgin was considered holy, as the entirety of western art history can attest through the adulation of the Virgin Mary. But the archetypal purity of Mary was not a Judeo-Christian invention. There were virgin goddesses through folklore and faiths and mythologies, sometimes balanced with love goddesses or fertility goddesses, and sometimes not.
The Allure of Virginity
Whatever the politics of valuing a chaste woman and devaluing a free one, there is something exciting about the notion of virginity.
The whole “has never had sex” thing still screams SEX. Plus, there’s the rarity of it—most people aren’t virgins for long.
There’s also the idea of innocence and being initiated into the mysteries and pleasures of sex.
On top of all that, there is the taboo of a virgin fetish: shattering innocence, desiring someone younger, receiving a special gift that can only be given once, the equating of beauty and youth, and so much more.
There’s something super hot, too, about being denied—a young or older woman, who is still a virgin or chooses to remain a virgin, is rebuffing you in a way or blocking access. The object of one’s affection that is disinterested or puts the brakes on is often alluring because there is simply no way to get what one wants and that amps up the thrill.
In the 80s, Madonna famously put the power back where it belongs—with the woman—singing “Like a Virgin,” and encouraging women to enjoy feeling renewed every time they had a new lover, and making the choice herself when to give it away.
6 Ways to Play with a Virginity Fetish
Whether it’s a bona fide virgin fetish you have, or just a hot way to add variety to your kinky life, here are some virgin play ideas to try out.
1. Receive (not Take) Virginity
Of course it is possible to participate in the actual deflowering of a partner, but this isn’t recommended unless you are very inexperienced and young yourself. Even in the rare event that a virgin pursues you and is certain she wants her first experience to be with you, and she is old enough, I think it’s best to decline in the vast majority of cases. It’s not about your thrill, but hers, and more, it’s about respecting her heart and emotions. Best not to get involved, in my view.
2. Virgin Role Play
Far less complicated and far more exciting are virgin games with someone who knows how to play!
There are amazing scenes and scripts on the subject: the teacher-student initiation, the young man taking his first dip with the hooker with a heart of gold, the taboo fantasy seduction of a step-father, and so many more.
Read: 11 Age Play Fetishes and Kinks
3. Catholic School Girl Fantasy
The Catholic cult of purity has led to a literal and specific kink for a particular outfit—a little plaid skirt, a white shirt, and Mary Janes or penny loafers. This costume is almost always available at any sexy outfit store, Halloween costume shop, or easy to assemble from a second-hand clothing store.
4. Nun Fetish
Madonna did a lot to sexify the West’s Catholic heritage, but in fact it wasn’t new at all to fantasize about nuns. There are paintings and writings going way back that show that nun chastity was maddeningly enticing to many. There are all kinds of virgin fetish scenes that can focus on the nun, with delicious costumes available or make-your-own. The interplay of taboos here—not just virginity but religious beliefs and vows—makes the nun irresistible.
5. Chastity Fetishes
Submissives, slaves, or sexually possessed lovers may enjoy imposed chastity. There are BDSM chastity belts or cages for men and women. This can be about orgasm denial, orgasm control, or virginity play.
Forced chastity or masturbation prevention can also be psychologically imposed. A submissive may follow orders or submit to control without any devices.
Read: Tips and Tricks for Chastity Sessions
6. Virgin Bride Fetish
The ritual deflowering in a bridal fetish may seem odd but in fact it is one that billions share, and invite their families and friends to! Large dowries swap family hands based on the ritual as well. The whole wedding thing was born from the public acknowledgement of a woman losing her virginity! So even if this isn’t really how we practice weddings or marriage anymore, it’s why we have weddings in the first place.
The virgin bride fetish can be a fun and elaborate scenario, complete with white gown, anticipation and buildup, and ritual deflowering. I’ve enjoyed “getting married” on a few occasions—we went all out with the dress, the wedding night lingerie, flowers, and a honeymoon hotel. Trust me, this one leads to days of fucking as only “newlyweds” do!
How do you play out your virgin fetishes and fantasies? Dare to share in the comments!
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