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When Kink Fizzles in a Relationship

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Something is happening in my current relationship that I’ve experienced before. The sizzle in my kink is now starting to fizzle.

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I’ve been with my guy for two years, so we’re not in the crazy honeymoon-sex phase anymore. We do have regular sex, but it’s just not as kinky as it used to be, as exploratory.

One thing that has kept the relationship fresh and fun has been the distance between us: we have days, sometimes a week between seeing each other, so there’s a loop of anticipation that plays out over and over.

We used to use props, toys and accessories, to experiment with bondage, edging, sensory and role play. It’s been long enough now that we haven’t that I’m missing that BDSM exploration, and I’m determined to bring it back.

I’ll share some of my ideas with you, as it might be useful if you’re in a similar situation. What I’ve learned over the years is that you can’t let sex slide into routine or out of the picture—the longer it sits, the staler it gets.

Sext your partner. This is something my lover and I used to do quite a bit. We would even try to orgasm simultaneously while on the phone. If you like a visual you can try Skyping. If you’re too shy to masturbate over the phone, just send flirty texts leading up to your next encounter because it helps to build anticipation.

Buy new toys. It’s been a while for me, but every time I brought home a new toy – vibrator, blindfold, nipple clamps, or even flavoured lube – it would make a spark. What can be a lot of fun is shopping in person together, or for more discretion try online at the Kink Lovers BDSM & Sex Toy Store.

Switch roles. I’m a natural submissive, but on occasion I like to surprise my lover by acting dominant. It wasn’t easy at first, but once I saw how much it turned him on, I was all over things like spanking or riding on top of him.

Have a threesome. For me and my lover this would be new. We are both confident in ourselves and our relationship, so I think with some talk around boundaries and expectations we would be fine. The idea for any couple is to keep expanding your sexual repertoire by challenging your limits.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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