Facts & Info

3 Myths about Kinky Women

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I was recently hiking with the great looking guy who fixed my car. I was hoping he’d give me the same tune-up when we got back into the city.

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After an intense make-out session, he said, “It’s great to meet a woman who’s actually kinky. Most girls who say they’re into fetishes are really just vanillas looking for a rich man. And if she is kinky, she’s usually totally messed up and hates men.”

That was a whole mouthful of myths at once. Let me break some of these down.

Myth #1: She’s either kinky, or vanilla.

I’ll go out on a limb and say that many women aren’t totally hardcore in either direction. It’s a spectrum and the experiences and relationships we have often depend on who we’re with.

Women who identify as vanilla are almost never as vanilla as they think.

Women who are into specific and intense fetish scenes, like submission or domination or Japanese rope bondage, are probably not likely to be satisfied with man-on-top and nothing but, but then, if that’s you, you won’t be looking for dates on kinky sites like FindaFemdom.com.

Men often have a particular fetish or set of kinks and feel wired that way, and they’re looking to indulge those parts of themselves. Women are too, but often we are more flexible to change it up.

In my humble opinion, some vanilla women simply haven’t had the opportunity to try everything yet. If she’s curious, don’t rule her out!

Myth #2: She’s looking for a kinky millionaire with an expensive dungeon to initiate and train her.

The cardinal rule in all of sex and dating is simple, but easy to forget: never confuse fiction (including porn!) with real life.

After Fifty Shades of Grey, there are undoubtedly a few women still fantasizing about being tamed by someone like Christian Grey, but most know it’s a fantasy.

The rest of us are looking for kinky sex, relationships and love with men who share a similar sense of sexy adventure or simply regular guys we hit it off with and want to experiment with.

Myth #3: Kinky women have unresolved issues, are sick and unstable, or hate men and want to punish them.

Too often there’s a double standard when it comes to sex. A man’s ways are understandable reflections of his experiences, but a woman with the same ways is somehow dangerous or hysterical.

Here’s the thing—yes, some kinky women hate men, and some are unstable. Hint: these dragons are out there looking for monogamy and marriage too!

Human beings have baggage, and some humans are horrible people out to hurt others. You’ll find them at work, on the golf course, in city hall, and at family reunions!

Experts say that kinky people are actually less likely to be unstable and dangerous because they aren’t repressed and in denial of their desires.

BDSM requires maturity, communication, and trust to work through and play out, and those are transferable skills. Also, many fetishes are actually the kind of play that resolve various traumas and dramas. Enacting different scenes on a ritual scale for pleasure is cathartic and keeps those issues separate from sex and play and our everyday lives.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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