There has been rapid improvements in products like makeup, clothing, and hardware, catering to the needs of diverse people of different genders and backgrounds. But while I was walking through a sex shop the other day, it occurred to me how radical kink is when it comes to inclusivity.
Think about it, just the idea of a dominatrix, for example, more often than not brings to mind a plus-sized body or a woman of color. And sex toys, even ancient ones, had women in mind from early times—ivory or bone dildos.
Sadomasochism was never just heteronormative—it has been part of the gay underworld as far back as we can remember. And while some sex toys use pale peach as flesh colored, most product lines have a range of browns and blacks, or they are bright pink or striped and not trying to imitate bodies but just be toys.
Here are five body positive, diversity-happy and inclusive things about kink toys.
Sex toys were originally marketed as marital aids, but they have always benefited solo sex as well as couples or threesomes.
When we have one or more partners, there is someone with us to provide the sexual stimulation whether by hand, mouth, penis, vagina, or ass.
Single folks—by choice, chance, or misfortune—have always benefited from sex toys. Classic dildos for example have launched a million ships when ladies were alone (or together, without their man).
If society at various turns shunned or rejected the idea that single folks needed or deserved sexual fulfillment and pleasure, the kink-minded world had them covered with a wide range of toys designed for pleasure with or without another person.
The kink world is of unique benefit to people with disabilities.
The kinky imagination can incorporate true diversity by finding a way to include sex no matter what someone’s obstacle might be.
The regular rules of “what is beautiful” or “who deserves sex” never applied.
Kink has always included women.
Long before women were supposed to be having fun on their own terms, kink understood that women were sexual, and diverse, that their bodies mattered for pleasure and health.
The worship of female bodies, female body parts, and consensual obedience to women’s wants and demands has been an essential part of S&M and BDSM since kingdom come. Inflicting sadomasochistic pain on another has always been egalitarian in the sense that women could wield the whip just as often as they could take it—either, or, and sometimes both—always depending on the woman herself and what she wanted.
Kink understands gay desire.
While the rest of the world was still trying to figure out whether gay people were actual human beings, the sexy underworld understood that making love with all kinds of people is the pathway to bliss, and even people who weren’t primarily attracted to others of the same sex felt free to experiment with that pleasure.
Kink includes diverse cultural backgrounds.
It’s sad that human beings of different ethnicities making love was in and of itself once considered a taboo or a fetish. Today such fetishes abound, but they aren’t considered transgressive.
While certainly we can point out instances or individuals who were old-fashioned or bigoted within kink, it’s still true that the open-minded, freedom-loving nature of kink meant faster progression. By existing with its own rules outside of societal norms, there was also rapid change from within, as diverse members impacted the underworld.
Kink also provides ritual catharsis for people to confront their sexual and everyday prejudices, allowing experiments and expressions that can overcome racism or sexism. Let’s keep those doors open, and keep focusing on pleasure and progress!
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