Facts & Info

Kinky Things She’s Afraid to Tell You

Woman Tied Up by Lover

If you met your lover on a fetish dating site, she’s probably not shy about what she wants in bed.

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But some female fantasies still feel taboo. Is there something she’s not telling you? Even kinky women have secrets…

She loves to be dominated in bed.

If there’s a woman who doesn’t fantasize about being overpowered and dominated in the bedroom, I haven’t met her. Even dominant women sometimes get off on the thrill of being commandeered and whipped into sexual submission.

This doesn’t mean she wants that with you, or with just anyone. The “who” can have a big impact on this fantasy.

Even so, if you’re being too nice, too sweet, or too generous during sex,  and it’s starting to fizzle, take that as your cue to communicate. She might need a rougher touch.

She fantasizes about unattractive men.

Fantasy can go where we can’t, and sometimes her imagination will takes her to strange places.

Part of it is curiosity—what would it be like to have sex with the most annoying co-worker, or the most unattractive?

Part of it is that a woman doesn’t see what you see. You might think a man is not hot, but she could care less that you see a 5 because his sense of humor or considerate nature might make him a 10 in her eyes.

She fantasizes about rape.

This is tricky territory, but it’s so common that omitting it is deceptive.

There are lots of psychology and feminist books theorizing on this, which speaks to how normal it is, and how complex. The fantasy might be more about losing control than rape itself, or taking control, ironically, since her fantasy directs the action. For some women, it’s reclaiming what did happen and framing it on their terms.

Many BDSM or role-play sessions flirt with or enact this fantasy, because working through it with a trusted partner can be healing.

She is disgusted by some of your kinks.

Don’t freak out or get angry—be happy she indulges you sometimes, even when she finds some of your fetishes distasteful.

This doesn’t mean coercing a woman into something she doesn’t want to do. It means that there is a give and take, and she may have indulged you in something she didn’t care for or get off on because you took care of her needs. Generosity is a two-way street.

For example, bodily fluids are neutral or gross to many of us, and fluid fetishes are ninety percent or more men’s. So piss isn’t something that in and of itself gets me off, but I’ve had some real hot fun with guys who are into it.

She fantasizes about other men.

If you’re reading this on a kink site or you’re polyamorous, then you likely don’t have any delusions. But some kinky couples have been married for years and a commitment is a beautiful and hot thing if that’s your thing.

Whether she’s your slave, your spouse, a ninety-year-old woman or an innocent you haven’t yet touched, unless she is asexual, she’s not faithful to you in her mind. All women fantasize about other men.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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