The Kink of Celibacy

I’m a proudly promiscuous kinky polyamorous slut, so what was I doing on a date with a self-proclaimed celibate?

With no chance of sex at the end of the date, there didn’t seem to be much reason to respond to his message on my dating site, never mind meet up for drinks. But I was curious. And besides, he was hot.

Spoiler alert: I ended up going home alone. But I had a great time, and learned a lot too. Here are some things *Adam* told me.

Celibacy is a viable option.

We assume sex is the natural default. In other eras or cultures, we assume celibacy to be the default for unmarried people.

Adam said that he doesn’t question my right to choose hot wild sex. He understands the benefits and says there are benefits to his choice too.

Celibate people are sexual people.

Adam says the idea that celibates don’t have any interest in sex is a myth. He is a sexual being and just as curious as anyone else, and just as horny. Celibacy is not the same as asexuality.

Celibacy is romantic.

The old fashioned notion of having one or few partners in life is unrealistic to most people.

It’s not a religious thing, that most celibates are romantics—they are looking for the right fit instead of a quick thrill, and interested in a profound experience of union rather than a superficial connection.

Celibacy makes sense.

Choosing to go without sex for a limited or long-term period of time is a kind of commitment that enforces control over your body and emotions, protects you from poor choices and their emotional fall out, and limits your exposure to disease.

Adam says some people are very sensitive physically or psychologically. He concedes that he is a highly sensitive person—loud noises and crowds are difficult to navigate, as is drama and other people’s pain.

Kissing or oral sex can transmit bacteria and viruses. Most of us can withstand those, but some are sensitive. While I find this odd, personally, it made me realize that people have their reasons.

Celibacy IS kinky.

Adam had a long-term kinky sexual relationship with his wife. They enjoyed BDSM, edging, restraint, voyeurism, orgasm denial, and more. He is now looking for another kinky mate, which is why is he on kinky dating sites like me, even though I’m looking for sex, not monogamous commitment. He found me attractive and we agreed to a date, even though I told him honestly I wasn’t a candidate for life, and he told me honestly he wouldn’t hook up.

He doesn’t mind if his future partner is polyamorous, only that both of them will be with each other when the time comes. He said that the anticipation, the unknown, the tension of celibacy keeps his senses sharp and alive. He says the height of arousal that he reaches just from his imagination or from seeing a hard nipple under a blouse is extraordinary. He sees his celibacy as a kind of BDSM, an act of submission and denial from a dominant he hasn’t even met yet.

After being unable to satisfy my insane attraction to this man, I went home and fucked myself hard with the biggest dildo in my toy box. The idea of celibacy was definitely inspiring!