Q & A

Q&A: Submissive Slave

Woman in Lingerie and Holding Handcuffs

I recently had the chance to sit down with a friend of mine who identifies as a submissive slave to ask her some questions about her relationship. If you’re thinking of working some master/slave role play into your sex life, read on.

As you will discover, it’s a kink that requires some commitment and preparation.

Questions for a Submissive Slave

Where did you meet your master? Was it hard to find the right match?

We met online, through a dating site that caters to kinky people. I think it would have been hard to find each other in real life. My partner lives in a different town, and neither of us go to sex clubs. I went into lots of detail about what I was looking for in my profile, and he answered my call. He claimed me, essentially.

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What does your slave/master dynamic entail? Did you know what it would be ahead of time, or did things just evolve?

It’s not all about whips and chains for us, it’s more of a psychological ownership. I belong to him. I wear a bracelet with a lock on it, and he keeps the key. Sometimes during play sessions, I’ll wear a shock collar that he’ll activate whenever he wants me to do something for him. (We have a list of sexual favors, each with their own shock signal patterns.) The collar is recent.

In the beginning we didn’t know exactly what we wanted our dynamic to look like, and it has definitely changed over time. We talk about it and decide on changes together.

What’s the most appealing aspect of being a submissive slave?

Believe it or not, it gives me a sense of peace and belonging. I can relax knowing that I belong to my partner in a very literal way. It also gives me a chance to relinquish control. I have a really demanding job and am often faced with having to make stressful decisions. I love giving up the boss role when I’m with my partner. I don’t have to think—I am just there to serve him.

How did you learn about this particular type of kink? Did you come to it on your own, or had you learned about it prior?

I learned about S&M and other stuff related to power-exchange role play through books and movies—Fifty Shades of Grey most notably. I think that somehow, I’ve always known this kind of thing existed, maybe because I really wanted it to. Before going onto the dating site, I did some online research to see what kinds of kinky master/slave dynamics were out there. I learned that I’m not as hardcore as some, but that I love being my partner’s property.

What advice do you have for anyone interested in a slave/master relationship?

Start slowly and communicate a lot! This kind of relationship only works when there is trust involved, so take some time to work on that before jumping in. Also, be sure to include lots of aftercare in your play sessions. Due to the deep, psychological nature of a slave/master relationship, it’s easy to lose yourself in it. Your master has a duty to make sure everything is cool and back to normal before they leave you.

I also recommend that you try D/s role playing before entering into this kind of committed relationship. Baby steps!

Are you in a slave/master relationship? Would you like to be? Please share your experience or desires in the comments!

Tell us what you think!

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