Q & A

Would You Date Someone Who Isn’t Kinky?

Sexual compatibility is important, but how important? For some people it’s a must, but for others compromise and flexibility play a big role in their relationships.

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If you love exploring BDSM with your lovers and kinky play, would you ever date a vanilla person? Inquiring minds want to know, so we asked around.

“In theory I could date vanilla women because I enjoy women’s company for its own sake, and it’s not all about how I get off or don’t. But since I mostly date online for kinky hookups, and am specific about my fetishes and on kinky dating sites, I don’t have too much chance of attracting someone who doesn’t share my kinks.” – Bradley, 26

“My wife is vanilla. We have a great sex life, which is about communicating our affection to each other. My fantasies are a playground of fetishes, but I’d rather have her than some fleeting experience. She doesn’t try to censor what’s in my mind, and I chose to marry her and have never looked back.” – Chris, 48

“Since I literally can’t get an erection or perform at all if it’s not rough, no matter how hot she is or how much I love her, it’s not fair to date a girl who’s not kinky—to her, or to me. It used to bother me that I need very extreme BDSM, and for awhile I took it out on shaming vanilla folks for being closed minded or boring. I was really jealous at their freedom to enjoy the basics.

The more I accepted myself, the more I could accept the rules that others play by. I won’t date vanilla women because there’s no possibility for us to be intimate. Not just kinky women, either, but they have to be dominant, extra large, and into really freaky stuff.” – Benjamin, 31

“I can’t tell if someone is kinky or what all they might be into or not when I ask her out, so there’s no way to say I can only date this or that sort. I’m old fashioned in a way, and I like to ask out women I meet that I find attractive.

I surf online dating sites and enjoy chatting, but there’s something about having my head turned by a pretty girl in person, approaching her, risking rejection, and letting the whole possibility of it unfold. The anticipation is different, and ‘getting to know her’ means discovering each other’s sexual interests along the way.

When you already know a person is into bondage or loves threesomes or whatever ahead of time, it doesn’t have the same excitement of the unknown.” – Les, 24

“Sure, why not? If you’ve got breasts, all the rest is gravy, isn’t it?” – Kevin, 35

“I don’t date at all. The kinks I’m into are pretty extreme and the chance I meet the one or two other people in the world who actually share them is pretty slim. It’s better for me to take care of my sexual needs with professionals, then I can relax and enjoy the rest of my life and my busy career without pressure.” – Rocky, 41

“Yes. I’ve dated lots of kinky women and lots of vanilla women, and don’t discriminate. My fetishes don’t come into every hookup or every relationship, and I also enjoy exploring other people’s kinks. The best of both worlds is a woman who is flexible and giving—then we can try things out together even if they aren’t our usual kinks, and that’s a lot of fun. You meet way more people this way, whether they are lovers or friends.” – Gregory, 29

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

KinkLovers.com is the blog for men and women into BDSM, bondage, fetishes, and dating. We post tips and advice for those interested in meeting other kinky singles with online dating, or anyone who wants to spice up their relationship. Enter the world of Kink Lovers with exclusive articles, polls, site reviews, reader stories and more. If you would like to subscribe to our blog updates which are sent only twice monthly, please subscribe to our newsletter using the form above.

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