Can you tell if your date is into kinky sex before the clothes come off?
Kinky people hook up with vanilla folks all the time, and sometimes they even enter into relationships where they find a happy medium—the BDSM partner toning things down and the vanilla partner exploring their sexuality.
For the most part, though, kinky people want to have sex or be in relationships with other kinky people. And that is why there are niche dating sites to help connect open-minded kink enthusiasts who are into specific BDSM practices.
Read: Best Kink Sites and Dating Apps
But most people don’t date people from dating sites exclusively. You may be wondering about that barista at your local coffee shop, or the hot guy down the hall at work, or the neighbor you’ve been crushing on. Are they kinky?
10 Clues to Know if a Person is Kinky
While you may very well have to wait for a second or third date for information, as most people keep their kink cards close to the vest, there are some telltale signs that someone is kinky.
1. Look for Signs in Their Clothing and Style
You can’t always judge a book by its cover, but sometimes you can. The woman with the floral dress and Birkenstocks may love wearing a strap-on, true, but she’s certainly not advertising her kink.
A dominant woman who loves to put a man in his place is more likely to give clues to her kinky nature through her choice of apparel, such as wearing tight clothing, thigh high boots or stilettos, leathers and PVC numbers.
Read: Clothing Fetish: Fabric, Clothing, and Costume Kinks
2. Kinky People are Confident in Themselves
Confidence can be a tell from a kinky person as people who are confident usually know what they like and don’t like when it comes to sex, and kink is often a part of that—they know their kinks.
Even submissive folks can be ultra confident, as it’s the release from their natural leanings that often provides relief behind closed doors.
Read: What Are My Kinks? 13 Ways to Find Your Kink
3. Watch Body Language and Movement
To know if someone is kinky, watch their body language. Are their moves dominant? Do they engage a certain way through physical contact? Do they act comfortably in their own skin?
Not a sure sign, but how a person moves is part of a person’s sex appeal and nature which may be kinky.
Read: Would You Date Someone Who Isn’t Kinky?
4. Consider How Adventurous They Are in Life
People who are into BDSM and kink are adventurous. The person who is never going to explore kink or BDSM practices, for whatever reason, is not.
Sexual adventure often extends outside the bedroom. If they love adrenaline rushes, taking risks, or challenging themselves they likely have a similar approach in their sex lives. Someone who climbs mountains or plays high-stakes poker is probably not in the missionary position every night.
Read: How to Try New Kinky Sex Positions
5. Do They Make and Hold Eye Contact?
Kink is intimate. BDSM practices often require a high level of trust. Dominants and submissives make eye contact.
If you are trying to tell if he or she is kinky, look into their eyes. Can they hold a steady gaze, or do they turn away quickly? This ability relates to their level of confidence.
Read: 4 Ways BDSM and Kink Can Build Intimacy
6. See If They’re Passionate about Food
Many kinky people are foodies because they feel a similar kind of passion about food that they do about certain sexual practices.
Eating and sex are both primal. Most people consider them both essential to one’s health and happiness, and both can take on a much deeper level in one’s life. Does your date see eating as a chore to existence, or do they savor and/or devour each meal with gusto?
Read: 7 Kitchen Kinks for Hungry Lovers
7. Watch a Kinky Movie Together
This is a very good way to tell if your date is kinky. And you don’t have to bring out Fifty Shades to provoke an answer, just watch how they respond to certain scenes that involve kink or BDSM.
If they leave the room when a kinky scene comes on, they may be uncomfortable with non-vanilla practices. But if they seem riveted or begin to engage in discussion about the scene, there’s a good chance they are kinky in some way. At the very least, they are curious.
Read: BDSM Movies That Will Turn You On
8. Are They Comfortable Talking about Sex?
A true tell to know if someone is kinky is that they are chill when it comes to talking about sex? A vanilla woman or man is not going to talk much beyond the basics if at all.
Most kinky folks love talking about sex—how much they have sex, kink and BDSM information, details of their kinky encounters, fantasies.
9. Share Your Kinks and See if They Reciprocate
If you are kinky, you probably don’t mind sharing with someone you are sexually interested in, at least to some degree. If someone not sharing your kinks is a dealbreaker, then you might as well cut to the chase.
Let the kink cat out of the bag, and see how your date responds. The worst that can happen is that they get up and leave in disgust. Even if they don’t share your specific kink, they are likely to appreciate your straightforward approach.
Read: 4 Reasons to Share Kinks Early in a New Relationship
10. Ask Them Straight Up If They’re Kinky
The most accurate way to tell if someone is kinky is to just ask. It may take a little courage, but if a person’s kink status matters to you moving forward, just do it.
Of course, asking someone if they’re kinky on a dating site is going to be a lot easier than face-to-face on a first date, so keep that in mind.
How important is it that a person be kinky or share your kinks? The answer to this question will lead you to know if asking them straight up is a good idea or not.
Read: How to Meet Kinky People
What signs do you look for to know if a person is kinky or not?
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