For many, sex with the ex is a no-go zone. It’s a commonly held limit or boundary in polyamory—no exes. And many kinky lovers find the no-ex sex rule a generally sensible one. No need to go backwards, right?
But everyone is different, and every situation is unique. There are all kinds of circumstances that might make sex with an ex a terrific, healthy, and horny option.
5 Benefits of Sex with an Ex
1. Some kinky and polyamorous lovers consider ex sex as fluid.
In serial monogamous relationships, breaking up with someone is more likely to mean the door is closed. But some kinky and poly lovers don’t always see sex and relationships that way. You may have moved on because you moved, or because you grew apart, or any number of reasons. But in many cases, it wasn’t about rejection or about anything toxic in the person or the relationship.
Many breakups are open-ended or fluid, with lovers cycling in and out of the picture. If an old flame is in town, there may be no good reason not to hookup with you ex!
2. An ex-lover can be the perfect source of kinky loving.
You might be dating someone today who doesn’t share your fetish. If you’re dating casually, or in an open relationship, opening the bedroom door occasionally to someone from the past who shares your kinks can help keep you sexually satisfied.
3. Sex with an ex can be a safe zone because that chapter is already closed.
One factor in making the ex off limits for sex is often just avoiding emotional entanglement and unfinished business—makes sense. But there are lots of times when the ex girlfriend is a much tidier hookup than someone new.
Your feelings may have moved long past any conflicts and into a comfort zone. There is no chance for revival, but you are comfortable having sex with your ex and there is mutual respect.
4. An ex can be a perfect unicorn.
Again, the situation depends on the individuals and the circumstances involved. Many couples want to avoid emotional conflicts and seek out a stranger instead of having sex with an ex. But an ex can be a perfect unicorn for threesome hookups.
An ex-girlfriend or boyfriend may have already played the role you are seeking in your life, or you know they’re into what you and a new lover are looking for.
5. Some exes are trusted, willing, available, and a good match.
Ex hookups are often possible when other sex is not. It can be difficult or risky to find sex, say, during a pandemic, and meeting a wide variety of new lovers is not always appropriate. Or maybe no one is calling you back, but you need or want sex. Maybe you simply want something familiar and safe and known. Maybe you don’t want anonymous hookups right now, but you aren’t in a relationship.
There are many occasions and circumstances when a trusted old flame is the perfect match.
Have you ever had sex with an ex? Please share in the comments.
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