Let’s assume that a threesome with another woman is something you and your girlfriend or wife or partner have already decided upon. It can take couples years to take this big step in opening up their relationship, whether it’s for one night only or in the hopes of a long-term arrangement with a unicorn-like third.
Vanilla couples who have been fantasizing about spicing up their sex life may want a little help in getting there, in the form of a kinky third party.
This third may be a domme or a sub who can bring out something in both of you that is new and exciting. She can introduce you to a particular fetish or fulfill a fantasy, guiding you safely through your exploration. Or you may just want a no-strings threesome.
Now, where oh where will you begin? Finding a third has never been easy, but it is easier than back in the day when praying that a gorgeous woman at the club would approach you and your partner was all you had.
Let’s look at how you can find who and what you’re looking for.
6 Tips For Couples Seeking a Kinky Third
1. Go Deep before You Go
Bringing a third into your life is risky, even for couples deep into kink. Share not only your desires, fantasies, and expectations, but also your concerns and fears around what might go wrong. It’s no small thing to open your bedroom to someone new, and to kink.
The more you discuss ahead of time, the better your chances of avoiding some of the risks associated with open relationships.
Read:Â Broaching the Idea of a Kinky Threesome
2. Discuss Your Boundaries
Because you are both used to a vanilla kind of sex, whatever happens is going to be new. New can be both titillating or treacherous depending on what you’re prepared for.
Let each other know what you’re open to trying and what is a hard limit. If you’re wondering if your girlfriend is going to go down on a third, ask her before. If her fantasy is to watch you get pegged by a third, you might want to know before she pulls out a strap-on once the kinky threesome is in session!
Read:Â Boundaries to Discuss in BDSM Relationships
3. Join a Niche Dating Site
While it’s true that kinky men and women join mainstream dating sites, they usually stick out like sore thumbs.
To find the woman who is going to fit with you and your partner, consider joining a threesome dating site that caters to what you’re looking for. On sites like BDSMdate.com you can find a domme who will tie you up and peg you (if that’s what you like) or the sub who you and your partner can boss around.
Read:Â Best Threesome Hookup Sites
4. Start Slow and Join a Munch
If meeting the latex-covered, whip-wielding blonde from the dating site seems too much too soon, you can always look for a BDSM munch to ease yourself into the community.
It’s a safe space with kinky folk who want to connect and hang out, but it’s NOT a pick-up zone, so you don’t have to worry about feeling uncomfortable or pushed into anything you and your partner are not ready for. You will also find out about other kink branches in your area.
Read: Everything You Need to Know about BDSM Munches
5. Frequent Kink Clubs and BDSM Events
If you do join a munch, you’ll hear about these. A Google search will also help you out. You’d be surprised at what goes on in your own neighborhood when you start digging. I just found out about a sex club three blocks from me!
Clubs and events are great for dipping your toe in and getting a feel for the culture, and you’re not doing it alone. You and your wife or girlfriend can explore in a non-committed way that will help gauge your feelings around different scenes. And you might also meet an interested third.
Read:Â How to Find BDSM Events
6. Hire a Professional
Many vanilla couples are also introverts, so going to sex clubs or munches may seem overwhelming. You also may worry about exposure, seeing someone who knows you or a friend of a friend. Most of us want to keep our kinks compartmentalized for safety and security reasons (no one wants to lose a job because they like to be spanked or wear fetish gear.)
A good introduction to BDSM can come via a professional dominatrix or sex worker who is well versed in your particular kink. You can count on discretion and safety—two important aspects for kink newbies.
For more tips read:Â Looking for a Kinky Threesome?
Are you already enjoying an open relationship? Where do you meet your thirds?
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