Q & A

Everything You Need to Know about BDSM Munches

Group Drinking in a Bar

So there you are all hot and bothered, excited about getting out there and exploring the kinky wonderland that is the BDSM community. But you ask yourself: How do I actually do that?

Sure, you can check out all those online resources for events in your area, but jumping in feet first to something like a full-blown fetish party can be intimidating, if not disastrous if you get in over your head.

Luckily, there’s a great way to ease your way into the BDSM world without experiencing kink shock.

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Munches

What exactly is a BDSM munch?

A munch is when BDSM folks, or those who are just interested in the lifestyle, join together away from play spaces to talk. While they can be held in just about any neutral territory, they most often take place in comfortable, public, accessible eateries.

They also commonly meet once a month, though in some places and branches of kink play more often than that. Munches also come in a variety of BDSM flavors, such as those focusing on general BDSM, and others that get much more specific—people into bondage, domination and/or submission, S&M, and other kinks.

How do I find a munch?

Locating one of these gatherings is pretty simple—check out what’s happening, kink-wise, through your favorite BDSM or social media outlet, and you’re all set to go! Keep in mind that a few actually require new folks to share a bit about themselves, or even on rare occasion to meet with an organizer beforehand. For the most part, munches are open to all.

How should I behave at a munch gathering?

It’s important to remember that munches are not parties, but are instead a way for kink folks to just sit and chat. So don’t show up in your leather and latex, and absolutely don’t act like a dom or a sub—just be yourself!

While munches are not play spaces, the same rules of decorum apply—no touching anyone or anything without clear and concise consent, and most of all, totally respect the privacy of everything that is said and everyone who might attend. You’ll find that the conversation isn’t all about kink either, that attendees talk about everything and anything.

If you see someone on the street that you had previously met at a munch, do not walk up to them and shout, “Great seeing you at that kinky munch!” Rather, just nod and, if they nod back, open a conversation if you feel inclined. If they don’t, then keep on walking.

After all, you wouldn’t want your kinky interests exposed, right? So don’t do that to anyone else.

Are munches a place to meet kinky hookups?

Generally, munches are light, social affairs and while people can and do make meaningful BDSM connections with other people, don’t treat them as only a place to cruise for partners.

Often the BDSM community works through reputation: the more social things you go to, with each time behaving yourself as best you can and respecting fellow kinksters, it will raise your standing in the community. This means that you’ll be seen as someone who is respectful, tolerant, responsible, and keenly aware of BDSM decorum.

And here’s the payoff—while being recognized for this won’t guarantee opportunities for play, it often open doors for better experiences.

What can I expect from my first munch?

A great way to have a pleasant experience at your first munch is to see it as a learning experience. If you’re new to the scene, say so and ask for people’s advice and guidance. Kinky people love to teach new folks about what it means to be part of the BDSM community.

You will also find specific details about a munch on its website, with FAQs and forums, so browse away until you find one that suits you best. Some munches use name tags as a way to introduce oneself, as well as color codes that will indicate if it’s your first time and other information that you might want to share.

What’s the mood at most munches?

Kink can feel like it’s all dark and intense and serious sometimes, but the social part can be full of laughter and smiles. Munches, after all, are all about meeting people and making connections, and the best way of doing that is by not showing off how intense you can be, or think you are, but instead by being friendly and open.

The world of kink can definitely be intimidating—more so for those new to the community—but social gatherings like munches are all about kindred spirits getting together to chat, share, and ask questions. They are a place where you will feel welcome and free to be yourself. Enjoy!

Do you attend BDSM munches? Please share your experience in the the comments!

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