You met someone online. You chatted. You went for drinks. It was fun and the chemistry was there. You started a sexy relationship, and it was exciting to explore your kinky side together.
You assumed you’d be going out this weekend, but she hasn’t returned any of your messages, or maybe she did and told you she wasn’t interested in seeing you again.
Here are the most likely reasons why.
1. You misread the chemistry and connection.
When one person feels a strong pull towards another, the intensity might create an illusion that the other person feels it too. Even if you’re usually great at reading another person’s connection level to you, you might get this one wrong.
Some people are good actors and go out of their way to mimic what someone else is demonstrating. Some people send mixed signals for any number of reasons, and sometimes, surging sex chemicals literally cloud your judgement. Maybe she was screaming “I can’t stand you” the whole time, but in the moment you really felt like you’d known each other a million years.
Dude, it sucks. Sorry, but move on.
2. Your kink turned her off or wigged her out.
It may well be that your cat-and-mouse game played out in matching red leather was hot as hell, but when you casually mentioned that you collected your own cum in a Mason jar when you masturbate, she decided internally to finish out the night and disappear forever.
Maybe she realized that two dominant figures wasn’t going to work for her beyond the occasion, or maybe she was open to the toe sucking you gave her but didn’t end up doing much for her once she thought about it later.
Yes, it would be nice if a woman would always communicate, so that you know what didn’t work for her. A lot of times, we want to know why you never called again too, but it is what it is. Let it go and find a partner who’s into your kinks.
3. She wasn’t being honest with you.
A complete stranger you met on the internet wasn’t upfront about her entire private life?
I always advocate for honesty when it comes to online dating and finding the right fetish partners or hookups, but sometimes it’s dangerous for a woman to tell strangers who she is.
Maybe she really isn’t single. Maybe her husband isn’t kinky, and she wanted to explore but got cold feet. Maybe she doesn’t work where she said she does, but is an exotic dancer or a neuroscientist, and things got complicated. Maybe she wasn’t looking for the same things, even though she said she was.
Ouch. Yes, it’s harsh, but you’ll get over it eventually.
4. She’s a player, a game player, or a manipulator.
There’s always the possibility that a woman really is a piece of work. I give the benefit of the doubt because women who want to hook up casually, enjoy multiple sexual partners, and explore sadomasochism often put themselves in some actual danger—physical, sexual, or social—and they do what they need to in order to protect their bodies and reputations.
That said, women are not exempt from responsibility for their character, and some really are bitches who love treating men as play things for attention, paid dates, or sex. It happens.
Don’t judge the rest of us by these ones! Move on, and keep looking.
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