If you have very specific kinds of fetishes and kinks, or if your sex life and romantic relationships depend on those kinks, it’s important to find potential lovers who are compatible.
Adventurous people might get away with just posting a generic profile on a kinky dating site, happy to give anyone’s fetish a go; but if you have specific needs, don’t shy away from putting it all out there.
Not being specific is probably the number one problem in all dating profiles, whether kinky or vanilla, whether a marriage-minded site or a hookup app!
Here’s what you should know about getting specific.
Specificity helps you AVOID wasting time.
Understandably, people don’t want to leave out any possibilities of attraction, so they write stuff like “spiritual person who loves pets and sports.”
It feels like you’re keeping your options open, but you’re not really saying much about yourself. You’ll waste a lot of time politely declining dog enthusiasts and baseball fans if you’re looking for folks who want to take up line dancing with you and enjoy collecting saltwater fish.
You might want a nice kinky Hindu girl you can bring home to Mom and Dad and share your culture with, but now you’ve got all kinds of Jewish babes with sheepdogs!
Don’t be afraid that “lifelong student of Buddhism, vegan animal activist with four cat rescues, daily jogger, and political news junkie” is too specific. The mistake is in thinking that your interests will mean only people with exactly those interests will respond. Not true.
Being specific about your kinks helps people get a sense of you in and out of bed.
Consider this profile description: “Leather-wearing kinky vegan—I can’t eat them, don’t mind if you do. Water sports—top and bottom. Love role playing, sensation play, and a good spanking. Curious about erotic rope bondage. Curious about many things, but no Mommy or Daddy issues.”
Here, you show your contradictions and complexity. You let people know right away that they don’t have to be vegetarian (if you can’t date a carnivore, you can say so too!) This means less time wasted for both parties. You show that your kinks are varied, but also state your boundaries.
Specific boundaries are just as helpful as specific kinks.
Make it very clear whether or not you expect respondents to share your kink or just be open to them. If you want someone really experienced in rope bondage, for example, say so. If you don’t need to enact something but want someone who accepts that kink, say so. “Love water sports, top or bottom, if you do. If not, lots of other fantasies and fetishes turn me on.”
When something is totally off limits to you, include that in your profile to make sure you don’t get a deluge of requests from incompatible partners.