How to Be More Dominant in Bed

Are you interested in being dominant sexually, taking the lead in the bedroom?

What Does it Mean to Be Dominant in Bed?

A dominant lover is confident in his or her own skin and their sexual abilities. They are comfortable taking the lead in the bedroom, from beginning to end.

To be sexually dominant is to take charge, to guide the play or scene, and to explore fantasies and kinks while being respectful of your partner’s shared boundaries and limits.

Read: Poll: How Dominant Are You in Bed?

How to Be More Dominant in Bed

Sexual confidence can take time to build through practice with supportive lovers. You may be shy or inexperienced or unsure of how to exert yourself before and during sex. You may feel naturally submissive but want to switch things up for fun and excitement.

There are many ways to explore your dominant side if you are new to this role or simply curious about playing the part. Being dominant can be all about pleasure, it can be kinky, and it can involve pain associated with BDSM.

Let me share some practices that will build confidence for being more dominant in bed.

Read: The BDSM Dom: 16 Types of Dominants in BDSM

10 Tips to Be Sexually Dominant

1. Initiate Sex

Rule one of being or playing the dominant is making the first move. If your lover initiates first, you’re instantly put in the passenger seat. Of course, this is going to be easier with a long-term partner because rejection won’t be as risky, but remember, it’s all about gaining confidence through practice.

First moves can include setting a scene to share your intentions, kissing and caressing and other foreplay, or sexting before you see someone to let them know what you plan to do later.

Read: How to Initiate Sex with Your Partner

2. Take and Maintain Control

Being dominant in bed isn’t about controlling the person (although it can be in BDSM scenarios) but about taking control of the action that unfolds. It’s also about your attitude and how you carry yourself. Act confidently, even if that’s not entirely how you are feeling.

Be bold and sure in your actions, without being forceful or disrespectful. Play to your strengths, rather than trying something new (at least until you feel confident as a dominant).

Read: 4 Ways to Build Sexual Confidence

3. Undress Your Partner

This dominant move is super hot because men don’t do it as much as you might think. It instantly sets you apart from most guys and is extremely arousing for women.

Take your time—unbuttoning her blouse slowly, unzipping a skirt sensually, unrolling her pantyhose sublimely. Pause between each piece removed to kiss and caress.

Read: Undressing Tips for Kinky Foreplay

4. Ravish

Women want a dominant man to ravish them because it makes them feel unbelievably desirable, and in turn, turned on. Don’t ask permission for every little move. Move as though you can’t control your desires. Carry her to the bedroom, hold her against the wall, pin her down. Surprise her.

Read: Soft Dom 101: 12 Ideas for Sensual Domination

5. Give Commands

You don’t have to be loud or rude to command a woman in bed. Use your posture and body language to exert dominance. Use a tone of voice that displays confidence, not arrogance. What you say will depend on the nature of the relationship.

Examples of dominant commands include “Turn over,” before you take her from behind,” and “Take your panties off, but leave on your shoes.” You can ramp it up with something like, “Get on your hands and knees and crawl to me,” if you know she will be amenable to that level of kink.

Read: How to Be a Good Dom (or Domme) for Your Sub

6. Talk Dirty

Commands will direct a lover, but dirty talk will build anticipation and arousal. For those who are new to being dominant in bed, dirty talk may feel awkward or weird, and it can take some time to find your sweet spot.

Telling your lover she’s a “dirty little slut” may not be right for every situation, so don’t take your cues from porn, but your own thoughts that work in the moment. “I can’t wait to slide my cock inside you” or “That feels so good, yeah baby, suck harder” might suffice.

Read: Tips to Talk Dirty to Her

7. Take Dominant Sex Positions

Choosing certain sex positions is an easy way to be dominant in bed, without having to say a word. Most dominant positions will see you on top or above your lover.

The missionary position and variations is the most classic dominant sex position. She lies on her back, knees bent or behind her head, with you thrusting on top. You control the action and rhythm in this position.

The doggy sex position has her on all fours, a very submissive pose, with you standing or kneeling behind to penetrate. You once again are in command of her, able to grab her hips while thrusting deep.

A dominant oral sex position sees her on her knees to give you a blowjob while you stand. To highlight your dominance, you may be clothed with your cock out your pants while she is fully naked, completely vulnerable. Or she may be in a dominant oral position, sitting on your face.

Read: Femdom Facesitting: 15 Ideas for Queening Like a Domme

8. Control Their Orgasm

Taking control of when a lover comes is a dominant move. You can do this through edging, bringing your lover to the brink of orgasm, only to back off and direct your attention elsewhere before repeating. You can also play other sex games that involve denial, forced orgasms or ruined orgasms.

Read: Orgasm Denial: 8 Games and Ways to Play

9. Engage in D/s Roleplay

One way for introverts or shy people to gain confidence in being more dominant in bed is through role play. Natural submissives often feel more secure being dominant, when they know it’s “playing a part,” not who they really are.

Role plays also add creativity and a kind of playfulness that may be necessary for some to feel comfortable. D/s roleplays to try include doctor-patient, teacher-student, housewife-repairman, warden-prisoner, boss-employee, pilot-flight attendant.

Read: Sexual Roleplay: A Guide for Roleplay Beginners

10. Add BDSM Practices

When you become comfortable being dominant in bed, you may want to explore the power exchange dynamic between dominants and submissives further. Elements of BDSM that dominants may enjoy are bondage, impact play, sex toys, chastity play, punishment and reward, fetish wear and gear, and group sex.

You can explore kink lite practices or go deeper into more extreme BDSM, but always make sure that consent is part of your role as a dominant.

You’ll find everything you need to know about kinky practices right here on Kink Lovers!

Read: The BIG List of Kinks: 120+ Fetishes Explained

Are you a natural dominant in bed, or are you looking to become more dominant?