Facts & Info

How to Ruin an Orgasm in the Name of Kink

Passionate Couple Having Sex

Have you ever been close to an epic orgasm when your lover changed the rhythm of stimulation, and the whole climax fell apart? Maybe someone walked in unexpectedly while you were masturbating, and the fantastic orgasm you were on the brink of was ruined.

What Is a Ruined Orgasm?

A ruined orgasm is something most of us have experienced, as in the scenarios above. However, it is intentional when ruining an orgasm is a person’s kink.

The lover is taken to the brink and into the orgasm state, but the orgasm is ruined—through stopping stimulation, changing pace, distraction, or something else. What’s left is the shell of the orgasm—some mechanical contractions without the emotional release and pleasurable peaks.

What’s the Difference between Orgasmic Edging, Orgasm Denial, and a Ruined Orgasm?

Other orgasm kinks are related but not the same as the ruined orgasm kink.

Orgasm edging is all about taking it to the very peak without going over into orgasm. The idea is to intensify and heighten arousal by teasing one’s self or a lover to the brink, bringing them back, and taking them there again.

This differs in psychology dramatically because it isn’t about ruining or denying the orgasm at all, but about prolonging pleasure and anticipation. There might be some elements of control and power there, if it’s important to the participants that the control of the orgasm is in the lover’s hands, but the idea is to tantalize and intensify the orgasm experience.

Read: Edging Tips for Kinky Couples

Orgasm denial is getting closer, but means just what it says—denying the orgasm. This is usually about BDSM and power and submission, and possibly about humiliation and punishment. It might involve a chastity belt or other guarantee or agreement of hands-off play, or it might mean only the dominant lover gets to come. Other times it is about taking it to near orgasm, and then denying it.

Read: 8 Orgasm Denial Games and Ways to Play

Ruined orgasm is about getting to the point of orgasm and then ruining it. Both edging of the orgasm and orgasm denial mean there is the potential for orgasm ahead. But with a ruined orgasm, the subject reaches the peak of pleasure and then it is ruined. Most people will find it difficult to rebuild an orgasm for some time after.

How Can You Ruin an Orgasm?

A ruined orgasm can happen by mistake, chance, or by someone else’s effort and control.

For example, Amazon can knock on the front door just as you and your lover are about to climax, and now a few shudders and contractions fizzle out of you as you startle.

It can happen by command. If you are dominant, you might be ordering your lover to masturbate, and telling her when to stop and start. You change gears or order her hands off just as she gets to the climax.

Read: 4 Sexy Role Plays for D/s Couples

You might be fucking, sucking, or fingering and just as she begins to tighten and contract her body, you start laughing or humiliate her in some way.

An orgasm can be ruined by overstimulation. For example, mechanical devices like the fuck saw for super massage wands that are too intense can force orgasms that are ruined.

What Is the Appeal of a Ruined Orgasm for both Lovers?

Ruined orgasms are about the intense erotic buildup and then the disappointment of not reaching that height. The teasing on the way to the spoiled orgasm is intensely pleasurable, and there is another tension in longing for the release that doesn’t come.

For someone who finds erotic fulfillment in being under someone else’s control, or who enjoys erotic punishment and humiliation, the ruined orgasm is one outlet of the concept. Conversely, if being in control of someone else’s sexual experience, and meting out orgasms at your direction is exciting, ruining someone’s orgasm (consensually) can be a rush.

The disappointment from a weak orgasm or an orgasm that was not accompanied by the crescendo of pleasure we often associate with coming is another form of erotic tension. Since the body experienced the mechanics of orgasm, but not much of the rush, the lover is unfulfilled, not able to move on to another orgasm (usually people need time before being able to build up again). There’s a kind of tension from being “left hanging” so to speak.

You may also feel an intensified subspace aura here, being at the whim of the dominant partner. Lots of people experience a lot of pleasure from anticipation and tension, and the ruined orgasm is one way that can play out.

Read: What Is BDSM Aftercare?

Ruined Orgasm Ideas

Simon Says

The dominant partner can command and control the submissive partner with permission and instructions. Since, for many people, the easiest way to build sexual tension and reach the edge of orgasm is solo, the one partner masturbating at the command of the other is a tried and true way to reach climax AND ruin orgasm.

The dominant might direct the action and then command you to stop. They might command different techniques, or insist on a long and slow show, whatever he or she wants.

Palming

An easy way to squash a male orgasm is to subdue it just as it happens. Stop all stimulation of the penis, and push the head into the palm of the hand, either by masturbation or by mistress. This technique simply reduces the intensity of the orgasm and the “shoot,” and is a standard way to ruin an orgasm.

Ride ‘Em Cowgirl

Instead of stopping all stimulation, one way to ruin an orgasm is to keep on going. The over-stimulation can totally destroy the pleasure of the peak. So keep on riding him at the moment of climax, or keep on jerking his cock. This can be irritating, overstimulating, or even painful.

Full Stop

The easiest way to ruin an orgasm is to just stop everything at the moment he or she is starting to spill over into the climax. By stopping all stimulation right then, the peak totally fizzles into a few weak contractions. This works during intercourse, dildo penetration, clitoral stimulation, blowjob or handjob, so it is the most versatile technique for ruined orgasms.

Do you ruin orgasms or enjoy yours being ruined? Please share!

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