Don’t Have the Same Kink? 7 Ways to Play

It’s great when you share the same fetish. But what can you do when you don’t have the same kinks as your partner?

When you and your hookup or long-term lover have different kinks, you probably approach sex by taking turns or by neglecting one partner’s preferences. But creative lovers can find bedded bliss by combining kinks together for a spectacular ride.

Here’s why mixing it up—bringing both of your kinks together—is the best way forward, and how to do it right.

7 Tips for Lovers with Different Kinks

When you don’t have the same fetish, combine your kinks and discover new ways to keep everyone satisfied.

1. Meet Your Partner’s Needs for Greater Flexibility

If one of you always gets the short end of the satisfaction stick, or feels that the other never makes an effort, are you really going to try going out of your way to participate fully in a partner’s fantasies?

Maybe she feels absolutely ridiculous wearing pantyhose or a French maid outfit, but it will be fun instead of humiliating if her partner is making an effort to accept her fantasies, too.

Read: 4 Reasons to Share Kinks Early in a New Relationship

2. Focus on Arousal to Increase the Fun Factor

Complaining that your date isn’t into your thrill won’t help matters much, because she’s not going to be into much of anything if she isn’t horny and aroused.

And if she’s not horny and aroused by your kink—let’s say you are into piss play—she’s not going to have much motivation to please you or try enacting it.

But if her desires are also being met, she’s going to be a lot more into bending her boundaries or working toward YOUR pleasure.

For example, she may not have a kink for golden showers. But if orgasm denial gets her off, maybe she’ll reward you at the end of a denial session with an epic climax where she agrees to wet herself for you.

If she’s into restraint and bondage but you’re into foot worship, tying her up might mean she’ll happily wear your favorite stilettos.

Read: Reasons to Try HER Kinks

Spanking Fetish

3. Mix and Match with Role Play

Role play is such a vast terrain of possibilities that it can accommodate any scenario, any fetish, any fantasy.

It’s also great practice for simply trying on different personalities, experimenting with power dynamics and erotic experiences.

Role play games might help you both get used to each other’s tastes when you don’t share kinks. They can provide meaningful access to understanding how to make diverse fantasies work.

For example, she may have no idea how to dominate you—what you crave so bad—but she has a kinky medical thing. So one solution may be that she dresses up as a doctor or nurse and you play the patient.

Read: How to Talk about Your Kinks without Turning Her Off

4. Use Your Imagination to Find Parallels

If her thing is red rubber and yours is taking a huge strap-on dildo up the ass, get creative to combine forces. Find a big red tool and strap-on harness for her, and a red rubber outfit for you, and she’ll be dying to fuck you.

If you have a lactation or nursing kink but she’s into exhibitionism and showing it all off, she can dress up in maternity wear and dance it off slowly, teasing you with those titties until you’re sucking, not just looking.

If you’re into humiliation and she’s into swapping partners, you have a cuckold situation made in heaven.

Read: Mismatched Kinks and Fetishes: How to Deal

5. Watch Kinky Porn Together to Warm Up

One reason why another person’s kink can feel intimidating instead of exciting is simply not knowing where to begin in the exploration.

If you aren’t particularly turned on by pony play, for example, you won’t have a motivation to shop for tack or revel in prancing around like a show horse. You won’t know what to do! Someone who isn’t instinctively dominant may not know how to act to please you, or vice versa.

One way to get comfortable with each other’s sexual proclivities is to watch porn that spells it out. You can discuss what you like or dislike about what you watch, and learn how to please each other.

Read: Tips for Watching Porn as a Couple

6. Teach or Initiate to Turn Up the Heat

Combining kinks when you don’t have the same fetish means showing each other the ropes. Teaching each other how your fetish turns you on the most can be an incredibly arousing experience in and of itself.

No one has to feel silly about not knowing what to do when their lover will train them.

Instructing each other at the same time, or in separate sessions, with open dialogue on different ways to bring your fetishes together, will make things very sexy and comfortable.

Read: BDSM Education: How to Learn BDSM Online

7. Make It a Game

Sex can be serious business, but it should be fun, and funny, at least some of the time.

You know those bachelor and bachelorette party dice that say “lick” and “nipple,” and you roll them to find your task? It’s a ridiculous game, but you can play it with kinks.

Write on scraps of paper your kinky wishes. Whether it’s “piss on me in the shower” or “rim you” or “wear purple latex” or “insert speculum at gyno office,” just scribble them down, and place all the papers into a hat. Then pull two out at a time, and have a blast trying to mesh them together. You might get a perfect pair, or you might get two of hers—but have a go of it, and just enjoy each other’s company.

Still seeking a partner with the same kink?

Read: Best Fetish Dating Sites For Every Kink

Do you and your lover combine your different kinks?

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