When you want steady sex without commitment, a friend-with-benefits arrangement is the perfect solution. I’m sure most of our Kink Lovers have tried it at one point in time, and would have a lot to say on the matter. I’ll share with you some of my own experiences and tips that can help you to avoid the obvious and not-so-obvious pitfalls.
Choose someone you trust. Sex without having emotions involved is hard to navigate unless it’s a true one-night stand with a complete stranger. Your best bet is someone you’ve already had a relationship with that ended amicably or with someone you already consider a friend but have never felt anything more for. The built-in trust factor will also lend itself nicely to exploring BDSM and kink because no one wants to be tied up by someone they just met online.
Set boundaries with each other. Everyone has different limits when it comes to this type of relationship. I never want a text in the middle of the night asking to come over for sex, but that’s just me. You might be open to your sexy play pal showing up at three in the morning after the bars close. Or maybe you and your friend both want a set day of the week for a kinky get together, or less hookups with more spontaneity.
Keep an open dialogue. Many people opt for this arrangement so that they don’t have to get too deep, but it’s common for one person to develop feelings and hold it in until something unpleasant goes down. If you suspect it’s your lover who’s falling for you, don’t play dumb and act like nothing is happening. Conversely, if you’ve found yourself wanting more than sex, be straight up because torturing yourself is no fun.
Walk away when things go south. Most sex-only relationships don’t last forever, or really all that long in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes behavior becomes disrespectful, sometimes one person wants more or less, and sometimes one person falls for a third outsider. It’s not to say you shouldn’t enjoy when it is working, but don’t stay past the arrangement’s due date, trying to hang on to something that isn’t what it was any longer.
Tell us your tips for successful friends-with-benefits relationships.
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