Facts & Info

Dom Drop Care for BDSM Dominants

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Are you or someone you love experiencing dom drop?

What goes up must come down, as they say. After intense kinky sex or BDSM, the dom and sub, the top and bottom, and anyone else, regardless of how they identify or define their role or play, can experience powerful emotions and varied states of mind.

Most of us are aware of subspace, the altered state of mind a submissive can experience during BDSM, and we know that dominants can also experience something like this, sometimes called top space. But when we think about aftercare, we usually think about aftercare for the sub, when they emerge from subspace. That’s important, but aftercare can also be important for doms and dommes, as they can experience an intense state of mind called dom drop.

What Is Dom Drop?

Dom drop, sometimes called top drop, sometimes called “The Mondays,” is the low mood, depressed state, or malaise a dominant in BDSM scenes or BDSM sex can experience afterward.

After the powerful rush of endorphins and hormones while dominating a scene, dom drop is the physical and psychological crash that sometimes follows.

Dominating a submissive in BDSM is hard work and a lot of responsibility. The control a dom must have over him or herself as well as over their submissive is a heavy load to carry.

Of course, there is pleasure and reward, but sometimes when the high wears off, things crash or bottom out. This has been compared to a candy binge, where at first the sugar is pure adrenaline, and then crying, fatigue, and irritability are on the other side of it. It has also been likened to a hangover—the physical and psychological hell following a night of excess.

Since BDSM is intensely physical and psychological, dom drop can manifest as depression, questioning, anxiety, fears about sub satisfaction and safety, headaches, fatigue, muscle pains, moodiness, desire to be alone, and other emotional and physical symptoms.

Dom Drop vs Sub Drop

Dom drop and sub drop are essentially the same. Immediately following top space, up to several days afterward, both doms and subs can experience a drop or crash.

The malaise, pain, restlessness, anxiety, mood swings, nausea, worries, headaches, and other dom drop and sub drop symptoms occur when the adrenaline, endorphins, and hormone highs of intense sex and or BDSM play crash.

Sub drop happens more frequently simply because receiving and experiencing pain may be more physically and psychologically intense, but this is variable to every individual and every BDSM experience.

Read: Sub Drop Care for BDSM Submissives

Dom Drop Symptoms

The crash after the rush can be mild, moderate, or severe. Symptoms of dom drop that doms can experience include many physical and psychological symptoms, including the symptoms of depression.

Dom drop can include mild or severe fatigue, as well as insomnia.

It can include racing thoughts, anxiety, worrying, and restlessness.

You may experience difficulty with concentration and focus, feelings of depression, pessimism, hopelessness, despair, or worthlessness. There can be crying jags. You may feel sad, empty, or confused. Sometimes this can be so intense as to include thoughts of suicide or even attempts at suicide.

Dom drop may include losing interest in daily life, hobbies, friends, and sex or BDSM.

It can mean loss of appetite or overeating.

Physical dom drop manifestations can include restlessness, headaches, nausea or stomach upset, muscle pain, and fatigue.

Dom Drop Aftercare

There are many ways to ease the pain of dom drop, during aftercare or daily life after the scene you are dropping from.

BDSM aftercare including both or all participants in a scene is meaningful and intimate. Snuggling and caring for each other physically and emotionally can make the crash a beautiful rite of passage.

Communicate honestly and openly anxieties, fears, affection, and other feelings.

Get lots of rest. Even if you are not able to sleep, honor your body’s need for rest and try to relax. Use showers, baths, yoga, and breathing or meditation to relax the body and mind.

Get outside for fresh air and exercise.

Stay hydrated, avoid junk food and eat nourishing foods, even if you aren’t hungry. You can keep it light if you are averse to food—eggs and fruit will replenish and heal.

Waiting it out is sometimes the only effective treatment after dom drop. If nothing is working, remind yourself that it will pass. You might need a few days to feel like yourself again.

It’s okay to take an aspirin or have a glass of wine to relax. But don’t rely on chemicals to bail you out of a bad place. If you need more than an occasional aspirin or are loading up on the booze, this isn’t healthy and will make things worse.

Can Dom Drop Be Prevented?

It is difficult to prevent a natural physical and psychological response to an intense experience. But you can do a lot to minimize and prepare for dom drop.

Understanding it is your first line of defense. The more you are aware of what it feels like, the better you will be prepared for aftercare and the less you will worry.

You can nourish your body every day and before a BDSM scene, rather than just in aftercare. This goes a long way to feeding your brains, hormone regulation, and resilience. Eggs, fish, fruit, and a full range of proteins and vitamins and minerals can help prevent and moderate depression and pain in general. Limiting chemicals, processed foods, alcohol, and sugars is just as important.

Regular walks, stretches, and exercise work before and after to make you stronger and help you relax more readily.

A healthy, stable, and secure relationship makes dom drop and sub drop easier to contend with and can also prevent some psychological fallout. A relationship in turmoil can have more intense emptiness or anxiety during dom drop.

Read: How to Build Trust in BDSM Relationships

Shared aftercare can prevent dom drop from going on much longer than the session and aftermath.

Tell us what works for you in managing dom drop.

Tell us what you think!

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