What Is a Pain Kink?
A pain kink refers to when someone derives sexual and psychological pleasure from pain.
Long before the term BDSM was coined, the pain kink was there, under various guises.
A masochist, or masochism, means someone who experiences sexual gratification from receiving pain. A sadist, their counterpart, is turned on by causing pain. This of course is reflected in the term “sadomasochism” which shows up in the BDSM abbreviation.
Read: Sadomasochism: Sadism and Masochism in BDSM
Sadomasochism was named after two writers, the Marquis de Sade and Leopold Ritter von Sacher-Masoch, who detailed fantasies and experiences of giving and receiving pain in a sexual context. But of course pain as pleasure in sex long preceded both of them.
The pain kink can be expressed by desiring and consensually receiving various kinds of pain, degradation, and abuse. Most people with a pain kink derive pleasure from submission and enjoy a wide range of physical and psychological pain from a dominant sexual partner.
However, a masochist or anyone with a pain kink does not necessarily desire degradation, humiliation, or even submission. They may derive sexual pleasure from the physical sensation of pain and not from the other common manifestations. In other words, most people with a pain kink enjoy a range of kinds of pain, but some don’t.
Sometimes people use a very old fashioned word, algolagnia, which means “pain and lust.” But not many people use it in conversation or in kink blogging.
Read: Study Shows Sadomasochism Can Be Meditative And Healthy
Why Do Some Derive Pleasure from Pain?
There are a lot of reasons why people might derive pleasure from pain.
First, pain causes the central nervous system to release powerful endorphins, like our very own internal morphine.
There are many kinds of endorphins, painkillers, and stress hormones that get released by the body when it feels pain. These also include anandamide and adrenaline and they provide a rush that is difficult to replicate any other way.
For others, a pain kink is all about the association. When pain is associated with the erotic, the pleasure intensifies and becomes associated with the pain.
Read: Mental Health Benefits of BDSM
Indeed, the ability “to feel” means both pain and pleasure. When people’s capacity for pain is diminished, whether through psychiatric or antidepressant drugs, nerve blockers, or surgeries, their capacity for pleasure is diminished too. The central nervous system processes all kinds of experiences, and blunting them invariably means diminishing both.
For some, it is the intensity. For others it is the taboo.
For some people, it is the contrast or the relief, or the space in between the painful parts. Others enjoy sharing a powerful experience and the intimacy that it creates.
Read: 4 Ways BDSM and Kink Can Build Intimacy
For some, it is the power exchange. They may feel intense pleasure at giving pleasure to someone who enjoys domination. They may feel pleasure at submission, and experiencing pain is submission.
Some masochists have experienced trauma and feeling pain gives them a way to process or atone for their guilt or shame. For others, they “confuse” pleasure with pain because feeling pleasure allowed them to survive the pain.
Consensual experiences in a pain kink allows some people to process pain on their own terms and control the power exchange and relationship. They experience pain, but are in control rather than in a situation where they had no hand. This can help them manage psychological and physical trauma.
But please note, while this is sometimes true for some people, it is a longstanding view of people who enjoy BDSM and it can be pathologizing.
Most people experience trauma yet even those who experienced extreme trauma of a sexual nature do not uniformly experience sadomasochism. And millions who had no trauma at all and who are psychologically healthy enjoy pain. So this explanation is not a blanket declaration for people with a pain kink.
Read: What Are My Kinks? 13 Ways to Find Your Kink
18 Pain Play Ideas for Masochists
Play safely! These pain kink and pain play ideas are for your reference and have varying degrees of safety. As always, consent and safety are key.
1. Spanking
Almost everyone likes a little hanky panky. A spanking can be playful swats on the butt for new lovers, or an elaborate pain kink session. Spanking brings those internal endorphins into the brew while being relatively easy to control the intensity of the experience. It is also safe, if spanking with a hand on the buttocks.
Read: Erotic Spanking 101: A Guide for Spanking Beginners
2. Paddling
Amp up your spanking in pain play with a paddle, a BDSM device designed for a satisfying thwack and a nice blooming sting on your behind.
3. Stress Positions
You can use submissive positions and postures, human furniture kinks, and predicament bondage as pain play.
Predicament bondage is when bondage positions offer a predicament. For example, standing on your toes gets tiring and painful, but the rope around your wrists and the hanging sensation in your arms increases if you stand flat footed.
Read: BDSM Predicament Bondage Basics and Ideas
4. Wax Play
There is something so sensual and primal about candle wax play, and dripping wax shows up time and time again as a pain play possibility.
5. Pinwheel Rollers
The Wartenberg Wheel, or the pinwheel roller, was once used for neurological medicine to test nerve sensitivity. Creative kinksters pounced on it as a tool of many sensations. Light sensations are sensual or ticklish, and harder sensations are painful.
Read: Advanced Sensation Play
6. Clamps and Clothespins
Clips and clamps that pinch or press have been used on rolls and folds and body parts such as labia, scrotum and nipples.
7. Electric Wands
E-stim sex toys like electrosex wands are an intriguing addition to the world of pain kink. They make sensations that are difficult to describe and so different.
Read: 12 Electrosex Toys for Kinky E-Stim Sex
8. Slapping
Slapping is so primal and passionate! And it leaves a delicious sting.
9. Hair Pulling
While most people wouldn’t list hair pulling in their pain kink fantasies, intense sex often leads to hair pulling. Many people report that the sensation of having their hair pulled during sex is not just tolerable but pleasurable!
Read: Hair Pulling during Sex: Ideas and Tips
10. Flogging
A flogger is a specially made kind of whip that has many tassels, which diffuses the sharpness of the pain. Flogging is easy to control, starting light and ending up intense, or just enjoying a softer pain kink for vanilla couples or those who are in need of a gentler touch of pain.
11. Caning
Caning is an intense, sharp type of spanking and requires great care during pain play. The dominant should be educated in caning as part of their pain kink knowledge for safe play. A number of beautiful canes are designed specifically for pain play.
Read: BDSM Caning: An Introduction for Beginners
12. Needle Play
Needle play is one of the most intense forms of pain play. It should also be undertaken by someone experienced and knowledgeable about safety. The person with the pain kink often experiences dissociation or intense subspace and it is a very intimate and beautiful thing, but not to be taken lightly.
Read: BDSM Needle Play and Play Piercing
13. Nipple Torture
Lots of people are really into nipple torture, even if it is the only kind of pain kink they like. They may otherwise be quite vanilla, but love nipple biting, pulling, pinching, and clamping. A number of people can orgasm just from nipple play or nipple torture.
Of course, some don’t like much stimulation at all on their nipples. There is no one size fits all when it comes to sex!
Read: His and Hers Guide to Nipple and Breast Torture
14. Cock and Ball Torture
CBT is a really intense part of pain play for some, or of femdom. It involves torture of the cock and testicles, and that could take place by clamping, pulling, weights, bondage, crushing, biting, and piercing.
If a lighter touch gets you off, enjoy. Otherwise, be very careful here and enjoy your pain play with someone experienced. CBT can be dangerous and cause ruptures, vascular issues, and a lot of pain of the unwanted variety!
Read: Cock and Ball Torture: 7 CBT Kinks and Methods
15. Rough Sex
Lovers with a primal kink love hunting, chasing, wrestling, biting, and scratching. This kind of rough sex isn’t really a pain kink but rather a kink for the primal, passionate, natural view of human sexuality.
You don’t have to have a primal fetish to enjoy rough sex. Rough sex can be thrilling for lovers all across the spectrum.
Read: Rough Sex Ideas, Positions, and Safety
16. Scratching and Acarophilia
Scratching can be a very general and primal thing, where the marks of someone’s talons show what feisty tricks you were up to the night before. But some people have acarophilia—a pain kink that manifests in love of scratching.
The person with this kind of pain kink might want you to scratch their balls with sharp fingernails, scratch her breasts, or any other body part.
Read: Ballbusting Ideas for BDSM Testicle Torture
17. Branding
To be marked permanently, seared with your lover’s brand, is the ultimate submission for some. Branding can be incredibly painful and then you have a permanent badge or battle scar. Proceed with caution as branding can be dangerous.
Read: BDSM Branding and Body Modification Kinks
18. Knife Play and Blood Sports
Knife play and other kinds of pain kinks or blood sports can be very intense and for those who like to crank the pain or taboo to the limits, can be very satisfying.
The average lover, kinky or not, generally doesn’t want to go there. But if you do, find an experienced lover who values your safety and limits as much as your pain.
Do you have a pain kink or fetish that features pain? Dare to share!
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