Sadomasochism could be said to be the backbone of BDSM or of fetish life in general. It is in many ways the origin story of kink.
Sadism, masochism, and sadomasochism are the original flipside to vanilla sexuality. Basically, they refer to experiencing some kinds of pain as pleasurable.
Today, sadomasochism is usually referenced in letters: S and M, S/M, S&M, or BDSM. But what is sadomasochism? What do these letters and words really mean?
What Is Sadomasochism?
Sadomasochism, or S&M, means the consensual giving and taking of sexual and psychological or emotional pleasure from physical or psychological pain.
Sadism is when someone derives sexual and psychological pleasure from consensually inflicting physical or psychological pain on another.
Masochism is when someone derives sexual and psychological pleasure from consensually receiving physical or psychological pain from another.
The consent aspect differentiates kink and sadomasochism from crime, bullying, state violence, and so on. People and states and institutions who get off on pain and punishment have no place in S&M even if their actions are sometimes referred to with similar language.
Read: How to Be a Good Dom (or Domme) for Your Sub
Why People Enjoy Practicing S&M
There are numerous reasons why people enjoy sadomasochism and related kinds of kink play and fetishism. But one answer we often hear when asking someone why they get aroused by a specific kink, whether spanking, pussy torture, mummification, or belly inflating, is “beats me.” (Pardon the pun!)
While some people can trace their enjoyment to a particular reason, many have no idea why something turns them on. It just does.
Read: What Are My Kinks? 13 Ways to Find Your Kink
Armchair psychologists speculate that the reason for S&M must be a history of abuse. If someone fantasizes about rape or loves getting whipped, this must be linked to their past experiences in some way.
But the more we understand and study sadomasochism, the more we see that this is only true occasionally. There is just as much connection with asexuality and vanilla sexual expression.
Sex in general is a kind of ritual or a kind of play- storytelling. Sometimes that is the story behind the story. But just as we may enjoy horror movies or corny romance movies without having similar historic experiences, this connection just doesn’t stick.
The drama aspect of sadomasochism is probably a bigger draw. A lot of people enjoy S&M as an escape from the daily grind. The role-playing aspect of dominant and submissive or sadist and masochist characters is a way to relieve pressure, express yourself, or cut loose.
Read: Healing Through Sexual Role Play
Some theorize that evolution, biology, gender roles and sex in general are naturally sadomasochistic. Some people simply like it more intense than others.
For some, experiencing pleasure alongside pain helps them control physical and psychological pain in their lives. For others, the endorphins released with both pain and pleasure experiences are simply interchangeable.
Some practitioners of S&M say they enjoy the ultimate surrender or control and find release in that, as well as heightened intimacy and trust.
Others describe kinky sex as a profoundly creative experience. Sadomasochism gives sex a wide context rather than just the pursuit of quickly getting off.
That also means, for some, slower sex and a lot more anticipation.
Others say they enjoy the adventure. Sharing new or varied experiences with a lover is hot and intimate.
Read: 4 Ways BDSM and Kink Can Build Intimacy
Early experiences sometimes play a role in what we like in bed. If our earliest objects of attraction had a dominant personality, for example, or we were injured in an accident and an attractive nurse cared for us, these kinds of experiences can sometimes have an impact on our taste.
For some people, it is simply the sensation. If you happen to have an orgasm when someone bites hard on your nipple, or feel a surge of ecstasy from being paddled, you’ll be into it too!
Experimenting with power and power exchange relationships is exciting and pleasurable to many people who enjoy S&M.
Read: BDSM and Total Power Exchange Relationships
Sadomasochism Is Consensual in BDSM Play
Society often conflates criminal behavior, oppression, or violence with sadomasochism. It thus bears repeating that the kink community emphasizes consent as the bedrock of BDSM. Those who flout this essential truth or cross those lines are quickly ostracized from fetish circles.
Consent is the rule and there are no exceptions.
9 Popular Examples of Sadomasochism
1. Degradation and Humiliation Play
Degradation and humiliation are delicious to a masochist. Some people get off being humiliated psychologically or physically.
Degradation may involve specific kinks like small penis humiliation (SPH), forced feminization, cuckolding, feederism and extreme fat fetishes (where the submissive is literally physically immobile, for example). It can be more generalized—it can simply be hot to be called a slut or a dirty bitch.
Read: All About Degradation Kink and How to Play
2. CBT and other BDSM Torture
Cock and ball torture (CBT), pussy torture, and nipple torture are common forms of sadomasochist play. Spending time and attention on an individual body part and subjecting it to a series of painful sensations can be profoundly pleasurable for both giver and receiver.
Read: Cock and Ball Torture: 7 CBT Kinks and Methods
3. Spanking and Impact Play
Spanking is nearly universally enjoyed. Folks on the sadomasochistic end may like severe impact play such as whipping or caning, but the impulse to smack or be smacked on the bottom is something most lovers enjoy playfully to some extent.
Spanking brings blood circulation quickly to the surface and heightens nerve sensations throughout the whole body. Kink lovers have a beautiful and sensual world of floggers and paddles and whips to enjoy.
Read: Flogging for Beginners
4. Biting and Scratching
Biting and scratching are often very arousing. When we feel the animal close to the surface, we describe sex as wild or untamed. The abandon we experience can manifest with biting and scratching, sometimes gently, sometimes more intense.
Some level of biting and scratching are enjoyed occasionally by most people, and those into S&M simply take it up a notch.
Read: Biting Fetish Story: The First Bite
5. Needle and Piercing Play
Erotic piercing is all about pain, penetration, surrender, and submission. Some people find needle play incredibly sensual, and enjoy the intense and intimate experience of being pierced in elaborate patterns by their lover.
Read: BDSM Needle Play and Play Piercing
6. Orgasm Torture
Orgasm edging, forced orgasm, and orgasm denial are a few ways to explore orgasm torture in sadomasochism.
Read: Orgasm Torture Tips for BDSM Couples
7. Wax Play
Hot wax is a classic of S&M. The aesthetic sensuality and physical sensation of hot wax are very erotic and intense.
Read: Literally Hot Sex: The Essentials of Wax Play
8. BDSM Branding
BDSM or S&M body branding can take different forms, from erotic body painting to permanent cattle brand marking a submissive as their dominant’s property.
Read: BDSM Branding and Body Modification Kinks
9. Trampling and Crushing
Some like to be covered, smothered, walked over, stepped on, trampled, crushed, or pierced with stilettos. There are a number of specific trampling and crushing kinks that are fairly common in S&M.
Read: Trample Fetish: The Kink of Stepping & Stomping
Do you engage in sadomasochistic play or fetishes? Dare to share!
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