Dear Jamie,
I’m a kinky guy who had a long and happy marriage. We really understood each other and enjoyed over half a century of experimenting with BDSM and other kinky stuff. My wife passed on a couple of years ago and now that the fog is lifting, I’m surprised to find myself feeling frisky and thinking about being back in the game! I always enjoyed sex, but it has been awhile.
The problem is that I’m no spring chicken. I was a good looking guy and know that I’m lucky to be alive and healthy, but at eighty-three I’m not sure whether there’s a place for me in kinkdom.
I don’t see very many online dating profiles for women my age. Seniors dating sites don’t tend to be kinky, or the senior citizens are all sixty-one, not eighty! Do other people my age still have sex? Are there any frisky babes my age out there? Are there younger kinky gals who have a thing for old guys? I’m not rich or famous or good looking, just horny. – Bill
Bill! First of all, congratulations. I heartily endorse a long life of sex for folks at all stages of the game. Sex is not just for the young or the beautiful or the rich. You know your worth from your long and happy marriage, but it can be unnerving to get “out there” when you don’t fit the usual descriptions.
You may find it challenging to find a kinky sex partner through online dating at your age, but so what? The amazing thing is that kinky people are often really open to experimenting, and they often enjoy sexy adventures with different kinds of people and different kinds of bodies.
There are lots of younger women on those senior sites like OlderHookups.com, and that’s a great place to start. After all, they’re old enough that they won’t be scared away by a few wrinkles. But don’t rule out finding someone in her eighties if that’s what you hope for, OR much younger!
Full disclosure: when I was a very young woman, I had a beautiful affair with a man in his late seventies. He wasn’t a millionaire: I was genuinely attracted to him. He walked with a limp and a cane and looked his age, but he had a kind of wisdom and aura about him that was sexy, and I was curious. The way he touched and worshipped me was especially appealing. It was sensual and unhurried and adoring.
I don’t have a “thing” or a special kink for old guys—if I do, it’s part of my pansexuality because I love to explore such a variety of relationships and sexual experiences.
My advice is to just put yourself out there. Make your online dating profile as honest and open as what you wrote to me. Be very specific about what you’re looking for and build up a rapport with women who answer you, chatting and getting to know each other and discussing fantasies and fetishes you’re both into.
Don’t get dejected or impatient. You might not be inundated with responses, but the ones you do get will be interesting connections. I have a feeling you’re going to meet more than one special someone, and the chemistry will be great!
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