Being a dominant may sound easy if that’s your natural personality inside and outside of the bedroom, or you may think what a submissive wants isn’t important, but a submissive’s wishlist must be met for this type of relationship to thrive, especially in a more intense sub-dom lifestyle. Subs will give their all if a dominant plays their part.
A submissive wants to know when they disobey that specific consequence will follow. Sometimes in a long-term dom-sub relationship where a deep love has developed, a dom may become lax in punishment and the sub will become despondent as a result. It is not necessarily about enjoying the punishment as a dom does, but about moving past a crux in the relationship.
Subs want a dominant that is in control of their own life, temper, habits, and emotions. If they aren’t, how can they control a willing submissive. Wannabe doms will be sniffed out and let loose. Training a submissive is part of the dom’s role.
Submissives need to feel safe, and they will with a dom that has experience with various techniques and toys. Beginner dominants who are committed to their role should seek training with a mentor. Local BDSM munch clubs are a great place to look. A sub needs to feel safe and cared for, punishment aside. Unintentional pain is not acceptable.
Many subs want to be more than a plaything. They want a committed dom-sub relationship where they can grow and understand one another’s psyche. Submissives want to know their dominant takes their needs seriously – will view them as individuals and respond to their own intimate needs. Subs don’t want to be seen as weak or desperate.
Submissives want a dominant to be responsible for their emotional well being as well as their physical safety. If the submissive is a slave or pet then the dominant must also be responsible for their shelter, food, and clothing.
Dominants: Are you meeting your subs’ needs?