BDSM Dating

When You and Your Partner are Both Submissive

Man at Woman's Feet

You’ve met a gorgeous gal online and sparks fly when you meet up for dinner. She’s warm and foxy and funny and laughs at all your jokes.

But by now you’ve dated enough women to know that when it seems too perfect, something must be wrong…

While you’re finishing up your meal with espresso and small talk, you can’t help fantasizing about her towering over you in black rubber, hair pulled back into a severe pony. You’ve been a bad boy and she’s holding the paddle…

And that’s when you hear her whispering in your ear, “Daddy, I think I’ve been a very bad girl…”

Don’t Panic
Don’t jump to conclusions of sexual incompatibility. It’s too soon. Besides, you’re probably the ex of someone with whom you had mind-bending sex, right? Which means you broke up. Compatibility in the boudoir doesn’t always mean unending bliss. And many couples who don’t seem cut out for each other sexually are happy together in and out of bed. Why not relax and see how things go.

Be Honest and Open
When someone gives you an in like this, it’s gold, so use it. What better time will there be to tell her you were thinking the exact same thing? “Actually, I was hoping you’d be spanking me… your wish is my command.”

You may be pleasantly surprised when she responds, “Ooh, I’ve always wanted to be the boss.”

Acknowledge Your Submissive Nature, but Don’t Limit Yourself
Role playing is a lot of fun. But it’s also true that some of our kinks or preferences are part of our deepest nature, not just masks we can try on and take off when we’re satiated. Being submissive is often an integral part of identity, not just a prop.

It’s important to recognize this reality and to consider how our deepest desires and needs will be met in our relationships.

As for anyone, not every encounter is about fulfilling your true nature or your wildest fantasies, and many relationships are about trying new things along the way. An expansive approach to sexuality can help us live life to the fullest.

What if I had never dated women, because my deepest self needs a man? What if I had refused to date most of the great men I’ve gone out with, because they didn’t fit my preconceived type?

A new lover is exciting and challenging and might reveal parts of ourselves that are up to this point hidden. A non-submissive or dominant role may not work indefinitely, true. But it might work for now.

A Riddle for Both of You: Can Being Dominant Be Submissive?

When a good friend of mine found herself in this very predicament, with a man she wanted to be with for longer than the night, they found a creative solution that might work for you, too. If you’re submissive, and your mistress demands you to command her, spank her, or force her to worship you, then isn’t it best if you follow orders?

By incorporating hot porn, fantasy, and BDSM training into their sex life, this couple found lasting sexual fulfillment between unexpected soul mates. They discovered that their imaginations are unlimited, and have been happily married for almost ten years.

Your date tonight might not end up like that. But it might. When she whispers “spank me,”  why not see where it could go?

Meet submissive partners now at BDSMdate.com!

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