You don’t have to live in a bustling metropolis to find and join a kink community. There are pockets of folks who love BDSM who connect where you least expect. They might meet up at a small corner café to talk shop, without discussing their fantasies or fetishes. They might hang out at an after-hours underground sex club for members only.
Like most things kink, communities look different and act differently from place to place. What matters is that they are out there and are usually welcoming to new members. What you are looking to get out of a kink community will affect the type of group you want to engage with.
Here are some tips that will help you connect with fellow kinksters.
How to Find a Kink Community
1. Phone a Friend
If you’re not sure where to start in your quest, it’s likely you’ve kept your kink cards close to the vest. Do your friends know that you have fetishes or kinks, want to be spanked, or dominate a submissive?
If you have one friend who has come out of the kink closet, open up and ask for advice. Of course, only do this with someone who you can trust to be discreet.
2. Attend a Kink Convention
If you can’t phone a friend, keep your eyes and ears open for any kind of sex conventions, shows, BDSM workshops, or lectures that are related to your BDSM kinks or fetishes. This might involve a day trip to the nearest big city, but there is so much to learn at these events, and if you are outgoing enough, you will meet people to connect with.
For more ideas on how to find kink community through events, see our article: How to Find BDSM Events and Have a Good Time.
3. Book a Weekend Getaway
Need a vacation, with a kinky twist? Plan a getaway that includes a workshop or event, or think bigger and find a BDSM resort or cruise or lodge that offers kink-specific trips. These might include classes to learn hands-on techniques while mingling with other guests. There may be professionals on site, like an experienced dominatrix, in a dungeon-like setting to book an hour or two with.
If a kinky holiday sounds like just the thing, be sure to check out our in-depth BDSM Travel Guide.
4. Visit a Sex Club
There has been an explosion of sex clubs in the last ten years that offer everything under the sun. They might have fetish nights, or singles nights, or women-only nights, and themes you’ve only dreamed of. Surf online to find something near you, and read through their site carefully to find what’s right for you. Some cater to the local kink community and may have the flavor you’re looking for.
Read:Â BDSM Clubs: First Time Tips and Inspiration
5. Join a Fetish or BDSM Dating Site
You know what you like, kink-wise, but how are you going to meet others who are compatible for exploration through hookups and relationships?
You can skip the mainstream dating sites and go straight to niche BDSM sites. Yes, mainstream sites are sometimes free, but members don’t usually express their kinks in profiles or even on the first few dates. On a kink site like BDSMdate.com, you can cut to the chase while being loud and proud about your kinks.
For more ideas, see our guide to the Best Kink Dating Sites.
6. Share in Kink Forums
Kinky forums are an easy way to connect if you have a question about a certain kink or BDSM practice that you are interested in.
You may get one answer or a hundred. The information you receive cannot be completely reliable, as most people gabbing on internet forums are not experts. But the dialogue can be titillating, informative, and just plain fun. And you won’t feel so alone in your desires when you meet others with similar interests.
7. Join a BDSM Munch
What’s a munch, you ask?
It’s a group who identifies as kinky or has interests within BDSM and who seek connection. The kink community groups will meet up regularly for brunch or drinks, but they don’t usually involve flirtations or hookups. Many munches have set rules around interactions between members.
Read:Â Everything You Need to Know about BDSM Munches
8. DIY Kink Community
Maybe you can’t find the kink community you are looking for, or feel that you just don’t fit into the ones you are finding. Identify in detail, to yourself, what your community looks like.
Is it a book club that dissects erotic literature once a month? Maybe it’s a meetup group for those with taboo fantasies.
If you have the drive and confidence, you can start your own kink community from scratch, whether through a website you design or a munch-style gathering. Dare to be different!
Do you belong to a kink community? What does that mean or look like to you?
Tell us what you think