Just the Tips

Switching from Dominant to Submissive

Man at Woman's Feet

What do you do if you are dominant, but sometimes want to be submissive? This was a question posted in our comments section by a Kink Lovers reader. Let’s discuss!

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We all have our preferences and predilections when it comes to sex, kinks, and personality. But we need not be limited by any of it. Whatever our orientation, identification, or favorite fetishes, expanding our horizon to include new sexual experiences is exciting and fun.

Sometimes we will just enjoy something for the experience. Other times it will become part of our repertoire.

Being open minded and flexible is one of the hallmarks of sexual satisfaction, so good for you for being open and curious to explore your alter ego or opposite side.

Here are some tips for experimenting with the submissive side of life.

Remember that you already know what you’re doing.

If you’re usually dominant, you already have a clue what you demand of a submissive and how you expect him or her to act. You can use your own experiences as a dom, and what you’ve observed from your subs, to fuel this new position in BDSM. You just need to flip the basics, right?

Enjoy the new feelings.

Being new at something doesn’t last long, whether the initiation is in BDSM submission or in gardening or learning how to make Indian cuisine. Enjoy the breathless uncertainty and thrill of trepidation.

Be honest about your duality.

No need to pretend in your profile or real life to be something you’re not. If it’s a particular partner that leaves you wanting to lick their boots instead of doing the whipping, say so, and tell them what you want and need. If it’s a sudden desire to try the other side, and you’re looking for someone to show you those ropes, iterating that in your online dating profile will help you find someone understanding.

If you’re looking for mirror flexibility with a partner in your scenes, being transparent about wanting to switch sides and experience both of those roles from your lover will yield the best results.

Recognize that your new desire to sub might be temporary, or it might be a lasting change.

While it’s quite true that many things about our personality and sexuality is entrenched early on, some things change or get added as we explore the world, new relationships, and new perspectives.

Shifting hormones, positive or traumatic experiences, and relationships can mean a change in the desire of what we want.

Find the right partners and kink communities.

While most kink and fetish circles are extremely inclusive, diverse, and open minded, you are probably well aware that some expect submissives to “have the heart of a slave” at all times and consider switching impossible or a betrayal.

Not everyone carries their sexual kinks around with them all day, and not everyone is defined by their experiments. Many kinky folks think in terms of roles and role playing rather than getting locked into an identity, unless that’s the kind of relationship they’re in at the moment.

You don’t have to choose sides. If switching isn’t right where you’re playing, branch out. Kudos to those who take their roles so seriously, and bravo to those who want to explore the sexual world from all sides. It’s a personal choice.

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. peggingvirgin1

    March 4, 2019 at 9:28 am

    I’ve never been dominated by a female or submissive either, but since I discovered pegging it’s now a huge fantasy for me. I want to be thrown around and treated like a sex slave and be purely dominated. I fantasize about a big strap-on taking my virginity and just being pounded as hard as possible from behind. My cock is hard and throbbing just talking about it.

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