Free use relationships and the terms “free use” in a kink context have been flooding social media lately.
If you’ve been in lust or in love and had the thought, “anytime, anywhere,” you already understand the basic premise behind the free use fetish!
Read: 15 Types of BDSM Relationships
What Is a Free Use Kink?
The free use fetish is where someone experiences intense sexual arousal and psychological fulfillment from the idea of being free to use sexually, or conversely, from having anytime access to their partner sexually. Entering into a free use relationship is a kind of blanket consent to sexual acts around the clock.
Being available for sex at the drop of a hat, anytime, is the name of the game.
Free use is usually “mostly free use” as partners discuss or contract boundaries in advance. What’s on tap might be limited to certain sex acts (such as giving a blowjob or no anal) and generally refers to private sex, or not asking for the free use in the middle of work assignments or dinner with Mother!
Read: BDSM Limits and Boundaries to Discuss
Free Use Relationships as the “Ultimate” in Monogamy
Some people view free use philosophically or politically as the ultimate freedom inside monogamy, where total access to each other is unlimited. The idea of being a sexual object inside the loving confines of monogamous commitment is part of the thrill.
Free use kink, for some, is about rejecting the idea that monogamy is vanilla or dull but rather the ultimate in sexual liberation. Free use might be seen as the ultimate in intimacy and kink, complete abandon to your partner.
Read: 4 Ways BDSM and Kink Can Build Intimacy
The free use fetish as the ultimate in monogamy also rejects nonconsensual historic models of relationship, where a woman was a man’s possession and expected to be available anytime, without actually wanting to belong to him. In this sense, free use rejects ancient paradigms of monogamy by restoring intention and consent to the sacred bond. The words “I do” take on real consent in this understanding.
When the free use object is the male in a monogamous relationship, this reverses traditional gender power roles and the free use takes on the paradigm of a female led relationship in a monogamous context.
Read: Female Led Relationships Explained
Free Use Fetish as BDSM
Free use relationships in BDSM are another way of expressing the power exchange dynamics of dominance and submission.
The partner that offers themselves up to free use may wish to be a kind of sex slave. There may be humiliation kinks at play or degradation fetishes. Generally speaking, the idea that one belongs totally to their dominant lover and that lover has control and possession of their body is the basis of the turn on.
Free Use in Casual Encounters or Hookups
Free use kinks are usually in the context of a relationship, whether monogamous or polyamorous, or a BDSM power exchange relationship, or both. It’s not the kind of fetish that works well for quickies or casual sex.
There are exceptions, and sometimes free use is explored in temporary ways, for example, becoming a free use sex slave during a weekend or vacation affair, or something to that effect.
Free Use Kink as Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)
Free use sex appeals generally in the idea of giving oneself totally to your partner to be used as they wish. However, for some people, it is the idea of being used against their will or taken by force. In this context, the thrill is about not consenting rather than about free and blanket consent.
Rape fantasies, abduction fantasies, and more, are very common, and when explored through role play or scenes with a partner fall into the CNC umbrella, where consent is given for non-consensual acts and fantasies.
Read: CNC Kink: 10 Examples of Consensual Non-Consent Play
Free Use Fetish as Objectification and Bimbofication Kinks
Some fetishes are all about transforming into a sex object or a bimbo, someone who is reduced to their sexual aspects and lives to please others sexually. Free use fetish is sometimes connected to or part of these kinds of kinks.
Read: An Introduction to the Bimbofication Fetish
Free Use Fantasies
There are many kinds of free use fetish fantasies, and they are all variations on the theme of being sexually available to their partner anytime of day or night, or of a partner who is free and available to them.
- Being awaken in the night to a blowjob.
- Coming out of the shower and being taken by your partner against the wall while toweling off.
- Being tied up on a bondage bench all day with your dominant fucking you whenever he feels like it.
- Being interrupted during menial tasks like doing the dishes or laundry and treated to a nice pounding.
- Driving home with eggs and lettuce, and told to pull over for a fingering.
- Receiving a call from your lover who is out of town, and being ordered to strip naked and masturbate for them.
Read: Why BDSM Submission is So Satisfying
Creating a Free Use Relationship Contract
It’s important to design a free use relationship contract that outlines and agrees to terms, boundaries, and exceptions from both lovers. This is similar to a BDSM contract between dominant and submissive and depending on the context, could be the same thing.
The contract will outline preferences, boundaries, and non-negotiables to illustrate what their free use fantasy entails, BDSM and fetish consents.
Very few people, even hardcore BDSM sex slaves, have total blanket consent on their BDSM contracts or free use relationship contracts. Most will anticipate that their work day or family time be respected and not interrupted, for example, even if literally any kind of sexual act anytime is a yes.
There may be free use vacations or exceptions, such as during illness or menstruation, or changes, such as only handjobs or blowjobs for those times.
There might be reciprocity and responsibility exchanges, such as being free to use anytime, with the expectation that the dominant or using lover respects their body.
Reasonable expectations might be safety, privacy or legality—just because you agree to free use doesn’t mean doing it at the library, for example. Free use even in a married monogamous relationship usually anticipates some bodily autonomy, for example, a woman can’t be expected to forego birth control and risk pregnancy.
Having a free use contract is a form of communication as well as a consent agreement. By discussing what the terms are for the contract and negotiating them, each lover is giving personal thought and consideration to their own needs and their partner’s needs, and finding ways to articulate what they want and don’t want from their free use fantasy and fetish.
Read: BDSM Contracts and Why You Might Want One
What kind of free use relationship do you fantasize about?
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