Not sure you have what it takes to switch from sub to dom? You might surprise yourself like I did.
Many of us identify as either submissive or dominant, at least in the bedroom. I would definitely consider myself a sub, and generally want my man to take control of the action. I resisted any reversal of this for a long time, but have learned to enjoy occasionally acting the domme and wielding sexual power over a partner. I even remember the night I first felt the rush of doing just this…
Back then I was strongly attached to my role as the submissive, and the idea of taking the reins was unappealing. In one of my kinkier relationships, we did a lot of role playing where I was the crawling kitty cat, the submissive secretary being taken on the desk, the bondage craving slut, and the like. But we were experimental enough that eventually a role reversal came about quite naturally.
He took me to the sex shop for my birthday and we brought home a big bag of goodies to play with, including a ball gag, a vibrator, some kind of implement for spanking, and a classic: handcuffs. It was pretty much always me who was getting spanked, or tied and brought to orgasm one way or another, but one night the tables turned.
I pulled out the cuffs and placed them on his wrists after threading them through the wrought iron headboard. (I’m not sure what prompted this, other than a sense of playfulness.) He was naked and all he could do was lie there helplessly with his hands above his head as I stood a few feet away. I began to do a slow strip tease, very naughty. I like to dance and show off in this way, but something new came over me as I saw the effect I was having over him. If he had simply been observing unbound then it would be more like our usual roles, but because he was cuffed the dynamic suddenly changed and he behaved differently as well.
It was a kind of sexual torture to him. As I teased him with the sight of my naked body and my dirty moves, he became desperately horny. He wanted so badly to touch himself and attempted to rub himself on the mattress, but without the use of his hands I saw that he was becoming frustrated. It was at this moment that I felt something entirely new. I felt pure pleasure in my ability to tease this man to the point where he was whimpering and begging for sexual release. He was bound and I was in power!
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I finally moved over to the bed and allowed our bodies to touch. I touched him everywhere except the one place on his body that he was dying to feel my hands, mouth – anything! From there I pulled out some of the other toys and for the first time and used them on him. I would love to give you all the details of what exactly transpired but I’m sure there must be some kind of etiquette about sharing the sexual exploits of your ex-boyfriend. Let’s just say that we ended in a sweaty pile, both had our satisfaction, and laughed together about how much fun we had switching roles.
I just wanted to tell this story about the night that changed my mind about playing switch, so that anyone who is unsure about it can see that it doesn’t have to be a big deal, especially if you approach it playfully. To any submissives who think they can’t take the dominant role, or that they won’t enjoy it… don’t knock it ’til you try it!
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