If you have kinks and fetishes, you know it’s hard to match those through online dating. Nothing is more difficult than finding folks interested in your particular sexual theater!
But there is something even more challenging. It’s one thing to meet playmates for the night or occasional hookups. It’s another thing entirely to find the right kink match as a soul mate, for life.
Meet kinky singles now at BDSMdate.com!
Kinky monogamy? No, it’s not an oxymoron.
Last week I propositioned a hot new acquaintance that I thought might be into BDSM, hoping he would join me and the man I’m seeing at dungeon play. When he declined, I figured I’d read the signals wrong.
I didn’t want things to be awkward, so I casually told him, “My mistake.” To my surprise, he replied, “No mistake. But you’re already dating someone, so that wouldn’t work for me.”
We got talking, and I was totally surprised by things I learned!
1. Some kinky folks are old fashioned.
Say what? Don said he believed in sharing desires and fantasies with someone only once he was in a committed, long-term relationship.
2. Monogamy itself is kinky.
The idea of belonging to one person, and/or possessing one person, and sharing your sexuality only in that context, has become so rare that it is, in and of itself, truly radical.
3. For some, it’s religious.
Don said it’s not about religion for him, but about love and about total submission. For some, that total submission is to a higher power. He has dated women who were seriously into worship, devotion, and reenactment of Hindu, Christian, and other mythologies. It’s both the cause of the desire for monogamy, and the platform for their fetishes. He said if you think about it, it’s not surprising, even the language of kink—worship, goddess—is religious.
I’d never heard of any of this, unless you count my occasional fantasies of tying Madonna up with her rosaries!
4. Monogamy is hard to find, but it’s worth finding for those who desire it.
It’s hard to find lasting love in any scene, but when dating people who are wildly experimental, and practically by definition, polyamorous, it’s even harder. But for Don, settling for anything less is just that- settling.
5. Kinky monogamy is the ultimate in BDSM.
For Don, it’s a romantic and idealistic thing, wanting to experience and share sexuality within a context of love and intimacy that stays in the relationship. But that very relationship is also part of the kink. The deepest form of submission, for him, the ultimate surrender, is to belong body and soul to his master.
6. Monogamy is not just for kink-lite.
I assumed, wrongly, that Don was probably a regular guy with a kink-curious streak, as opposed to a diehard practitioner. After all, most kinksters are heavily active and play with a variety of people. Like me.
But turns out I’m the lightweight. I am curious and having fun with all kinds of kinks, but it’s more about trying everything than being “into” a particular thing.
Don, on the other hand, confided a few of his fetishes: BDSM as sub, edge play, fat worship, rubber/latex/leather, binding, CBT, bisexual, extreme penetration, cross dressing, humiliation, flagellation, and being buried.
So there it is.
How exciting that I am still learning new things about human sexuality!
This particular thing—kinky monogamy—is definitely not for me, at least not now. But if it is for you, you can be sure that Don, and Donna, are out there somewhere too, looking for you.
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