I have a wealth of experiences to sift through when it comes to fetish clubs and parties. I will share my thoughts, tips, dos and don’ts to help you wade into these beautiful but sometimes choppy waters.
Trust me, there are things you are invited to do at a play party that you are NOT allowed to do at a burlesque event, and if you get protocols mixed up or signals crossed from one kink event to another, you may not be invited back!
Read: RACK, PRICK, and Other BDSM Safety Protocols
There is nothing in the world that I know of that requires more hardcore respect and adherence to the rules and regulations of the circumstances and culture than in the kink world of sexuality.
When you’re getting ready for any BDSM event, you want to know what your intentions are going in. Will you be participating, or just observing? Do you need money for “extras” or just for the price of admission and drinks? Will you be available for others to indulge in YOUR kinky services? Will you be going masked or will people know who you are the moment you walk in?
Let’s discuss the delicious details of each of these sexy gatherings, so you know the basics of how to conduct yourself when you get your invitation!
Read: The BIG List of Kinks: 120+ Fetishes Explained
10 BDSM Fetish and Kink Events
1. Nightclub Fetish Nights
Fetish nights in clubs gather certain kink and BDSM folks to celebrate a particular fetish. These can be of ANY kind in nature, and you definitely want to make sure you are attending a fetish event that you are INTO.
Fetish nights can focus on leather and latex, offer a playground for swingers, celebrate bastinado aka foot impact and torture, or bring together people in the furry community. Fetish nights can be anything! So, figure it out, and NEVER yuck someone’s yum if you go!
Read: What Are My Kinks? 13 Ways to Find Your Kink
2. Fetish Balls and Parties
These events are the cream of the crop for fetish enthusiasts, even though EVERY event is a blessing in the world of kink! Fetish balls—held annually, sometimes biannually—are big parties usually in private or semi-private locations where the serious folks who practice said fetish can gather, mix business with pleasure.
Often you will need an invitation to purchase tickets in advance to attend, and there will almost always be a dress code associated with the event. It may be a charity fundraiser.
Read: Clothing Fetish: Fabric, Clothing, and Costume Kinks
3. Play Parties
In houses, hotels, and private locations, there are ALWAYS play parties happening. Every weekend of the year, worldwide. You have to know the right people to get invited, or just stumble upon the right link on a kink site or wherever you get your sexy info.
Play parties require respect for safe sex protocols (condoms, testing, paperwork)and they can be anywhere from four to… forty people, if you’re lucky! Don’t break anything, throw out your used condoms, clean up your cumshots and squirts, and make sure you ask for consent to touch, play with, or fuck anyone.
Read: Sex Party Tips and Etiquette
4. Sex Clubs
Public sex parties are basically a play party in a commercial venue. Sex clubs aren’t in every city, but most of the main metropolises in the world have sex clubs of some kind, and it’s an eye-opening experience for first timers.
Sex clubs can have dance floors, bars, saunas, pools, themed play spaces, and rooms with one-way mirrors for exhibitionists and voyeurs. Be an adult, observe and follow the rules posted and presented, ask for consent always, and never be creepy. Sex clubs often have wristbands for those who don’t want to be approached or propositioned.
Read: 5 Sex Club Tips for Your First Time
5. Burlesque Shows
Burlesque shows often have a variety of sketches or dances to tease, tantalize, humor, and sometimes shock the audience. These are not always intimacy-oriented but always sexy fun!
Burlesque remains a classic artform that mixes theatre, dance, politics, sexuality, and showtime energy, and they’re a great place to meet folks. A burlesque show is a fun first date if you’re looking for something other than the usual drinks at a bar.
Read: How to Get Out of Your Kinky Sex Rut
6. Body Modification and Performance Events
Bodmod events may have performances that include needle and piercing play, wax play demos, rope play techniques, and sometimes even blood play scenes. These events are less common, as these are niche fetishes.
You have to be in the network to get an invite or even become aware of a body modification events. But the further you delve into the kink community, the more you will discover the wide world of events available to fetishists.
7. Rope Events and Socials
Rope socials gather folks with bondage or rope fetishes that include shibari and kinbaku. It may be purely performance and held at a kink or BDSM expo, or it may be a workshop that teaches specific rope techniques and safety precautions.
Tops and bottoms and new rope bunnies should act accordingly, but don’t be afraid to ask questions or make new friends with those who share your fetish.
Read: What Is a Rope Bunny and How Can You Meet One?
8. Fetish Studios and Dungeons
Fetish studios and dungeons offer the utmost privacy with all the bells and whistles aka tools, toys, accessories and props for those who want to explore specific BDSM practices or scenes. You can find dungeons through diligence ad desire.
You may be able to volunteer in a local dungeon and learn from a Domme how to work in it—cross your fingers for that. Otherwise, you can attend events held at studios or dungeons. You can also pay to play with a professional Dom or Dominatrix at a dungeon, where you can discreetly and safely explore your kinks and fetishes.
Read: How to Find a Dominatrix Near You
9. Workshops and Seminars
Workshops may be monthly or quarterly events or one-offs. Seminars may include teaching, training, networking, roleplaying, and the sharing of ideas. Any workshop or seminar you find in town (or travel to) is usually well worth your time and energy just to connect with other kinky folks.
Read: How to Meet Kinky People
10. BDSM Munches
BDSM munches are great way to find other people into your particular fetish or kink, without the stress or pressure of being at a public play party or being in a dungeon trying to navigate your newfound kinky feelings.
Munches are hangouts with kinky folks in vanilla settings. You can meet once a week or once a month at a restaurant for brunch, in a public park, or at a pub for drinks. A munch offers a safe space with no pressure for kinksters to hook up.
Read: The BDSM Munch: Everything You Need to Know
We hope you find exactly who and what you are looking for in the world of BDSM and kinky sexy fun!
What kinds of kink or fetish events to you attend? Please share!
Sincerely yours,
Addi “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart
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