Facts & Info

She Doesn’t Want a Threesome? 8 Reasons Why

Woman Listening to Boyfriend

You’ve met a kinky, open-minded, triple-G—good, giving, and game—woman who is always horny. Jackpot, am I right?

It seemed like she was willing to try anything, and had a dirty mind full of fetishes of her own. But when you brought up the idea of a hot little threesome, you got the cold shoulder. What gives?

There are all kinds of reasons why she doesn’t want a threesome.

Since she doesn’t really have to give you a reason or explain herself, you might never know.

Some women will tell you the why behind their ways, and some won’t. Her reason may be very specific and unusual, sure, but generally speaking, most women who don’t want a threesome will have one or more of the following reasons.

8 Reasons She Doesn’t Want a Threesome

1. Some women enjoy threesomes, and some don’t.

Some women enjoy cooking and some don’t. Some love volleyball and others prefer yoga. Some love reading mysteries and some prefer politics. It’s really that simple.

Full disclosure: I fall into the “and some do” category when it comes to threesomes. But there are times when I simply wasn’t in the mood, wasn’t doing that yet, or wasn’t into the particulars of the arrangement. And then I had the guy trying to explain to me why I should open my mind and how a whole world of erotic pleasure was waiting for me if I could just mature a little in my sexual tastes.

Just don’t. We all know it’s not about improving our inner selves but about fulfilling your desire at that point. Some women relate best sexually one on one. A threesome or group scene can be distracting or pull your energy in too many different directions.

Her desires matter. But your desires are important, too, so find the partner who is into what you are.

Read: Best Threesome Hookup Sites

2. She’s not that kinky.

Lots of people are looking for kinky dates because they are into the creativity and freedom of kinky sex, or maybe they like to be roughed up a little or wear red leather stilettos and carry a matching whip. That’s wonderful.

But everyone has their limits. Yours might be “no fire, no knives” and hers is something else. Not every kinky woman is “anything goes.” She may have a very particular kink or fetish, for panty wetting for example, or for being spanked, but not for hotwifing or sharing a bisexual woman with you.

3. She’s TOO kinky.

On the other hand, she might not be into that buxom redheaded girl because she’s only into cock worship. Maybe she’s got a one-track mind, and it’s submissive and part of that submission requires giving devotion and receiving your full attention.

A lot of kinky people are monogamous or feel their body belongs to their lover, and they don’t need a variation to feel fulfilled. Others simply find group sex humdrum when there are whips and chains available.

Read: Too Kinky? Dating Someone Kinkier than You

4. She’s not bisexual.

One of the top reasons for women to have threesomes is because she gets to experience, experiment, and explore the sensual delight of another woman. But what if she doesn’t have that curiosity or attraction?

She doesn’t have to identify as bisexual to enjoy sex with women, but if she doesn’t feel the pull, there goes a huge part of the motivation for a threesome. If touching a woman is a turnoff, she’s not likely to be into the classic FFM threesome, and in my experience, it’s the kind you want the most.

5. She’s turned off by the whole hotwife or cuckold thing.

One person’s kink is another’s turnoff. Some women don’t want a threesome as they simply don’t feel aroused by the idea of being paraded in front of the other guys sniffing around just because you do.

One dominant girlfriend told me she just isn’t turned on by the idea of shaming or humiliating a guy and that isn’t her idea of topping. Another, a gal pal who is one of those epic va-va-voom hotties, says hotwifing is “too much work” because she doesn’t want to be “on” all the time. She would be more into group scenes if her man was interested in a more classic sandwich situation, but he’s more into directing from the sidelines.

Read: How to Find a Bull for Your Hotwife

6. She’s been there and done that.

For a lot of women, a kinky threesome is a snack, not a staple diet. She gave it a go a few times in college and it was a searing hot memory, but she’s got no need to repeat it.

It may be something that evolves naturally a few times in her life, not something she seeks out. It was unique to a situation, like meeting a salsa couple in the Dominican while on vacation and ending up in bed with them (one girlfriend) or the time two best friends wanted the same guy and decided to make him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

There are lots of kinks and fetishes and partner arrangements that I’ve been willing to try out a few times but aren’t on my go-to list.

7. She’s had a bad experience.

Maybe she doesn’t want a threesome because her experience wasn’t the hot Latin fiesta she was hoping for. It was the boyfriend she wanted to please and excite, who then lost all interest in one-on-one sex.

I hear this quite often from adventurous, open women—they agree to plan a threesome, or surprise you with one on your birthday. And after that, you are constantly begging to see the unicorn again, or texting and sexting her behind your girlfriend’s back, or you lose interest in sex with your partner and she can only feel that you’re not grateful for the woman you have.

There is no greater turnoff for a woman than feeling like her sexual gifts are disposable because a shinier or new model was taken for a test drive.

8. She’s not into it with YOU.

This is the toughest pill to swallow. A threesome can be a very specific thrill for some women, one that involves specific players. She may have wanted fifty threeways with Jack, wanting to please him every which way. Or maybe Frank’s brand of command made her get down and dirty and do anything he asked her to. Maybe the idea of Kevin and his leggy wife Helen did it for her in ways she wasn’t expecting, but she wants YOU all to herself.

The kinds of sex we want can vary from person to person. Them’s the breaks, honestly.

Read: Broaching the Idea of a Kinky Threesome

Do you have experience being turned down for a threesome? Dare to share.

Tell us what you think!

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