Are you dominant who finds the idea of taking complete charge of your lover’s sexuality exciting? Becoming a chastity keyholder might be for you.
Maybe you’re a horny submissive male who wants to experience the intensity of chastity or the fulfillment of giving complete authority over your body to your lover and domme. Giving her chastity keyholder status is the ultimate in submission.
The chastity kink or chastity play is all about not doing it. Chastity play is all about intensifying desire, arousal, and how it feels when you do.
For many (but not for all) chastity play is also a form of BDSM. It can be part of erotic humiliation, for example, or bondage and discipline, and it can be part of a power exchange relationship.
Read: Chastity Kink Tips and Advice
What Is Chastity Keyholding?
Chastity keyholding is both literal and figurative. The chastity keyholder is the keeper of the key to the male chastity device that locks his cock inside. The chastity keyholder keeps the key and chooses when to use it.
Being a chastity keyholder is symbolic of complete control over a lover’s genitalia and when and how they use it. While chastity play may include a cage, a lock and a key during a scene or during a period of time, being a chastity keyholder is more of a relationship or an ongoing practice.
The chastity keyholder is the person who has been entrusted to decide how her submissive (or his or their if the couple is gay or gender non-comforming) will use his sexual organs and sexuality, and when.
Read: Chastity Play: 4 Reasons It’s So Hot
How to Be a Chastity Keyholder
Chastity keyholding means you choose when he uses his cock to masturbate, have sex, or have sex with you. You decide how long he goes without, if and when and how he uses it, and with whom.
Lock Him in a Chastity Cage
Most chastity play involves a device that cages his penis. Chastity cages are made of stainless steel, leather, nylon, or other materials, and come in various sizes. Many view caging the cock as a form of bondage, although some view it simply as a means to an end—preventing use of the cock for heightened erotic sensations physically and psychologically.
Cock cages are designed with varying restrictions. When using tight and small cages that restrict erections and make urinating difficult, caution is needed and time in the cage must be limited for safety.
Most cages come with two or more keys. Hide the extra keys and make a note in your daytimer or phone where those back up keys are.
The other key is for the chastity keyholder. You choose when to use it to release his cock.
Read: Male Chastity Play and Cock Locking Devices
Wear or Hide the Key to His Chastity
When a chastity keyholder wears the key, it is very powerful and erotic. (For those worried about questions from family and co-workers, you can always say it is the “key to his heart” and you would not be lying!)
You can also hide the key somewhere, presenting a classic temptation of the possibility of release.
Read: Essential Femdom Toys and Gear
Play Games with the Key
It can be very arousing as well as fun to play games with the key. When the chastity keyholder chooses to hide the key and allows him to try to find it, there is added anticipation and mystery.
The chastity keyholder can hide the key as a temptation and permit him to try to find it while she is away. If he does find it, he has her permission to jerk off.
The hiding of the key by the chastity keyholder can be quite an intense ritual. Some great suggestions include mailing the key to the location in a parcel delivery, burying it in a can of paint or carton of cream, in a safety deposit box, or in a tray of frozen water.
Other games can add intensity to the hide and seek. You can play a kind of truth or dare, with every performed truth or dare rewarded with a clue closer to the key.
Read: 12 Submissive Male Kinks and Ideas
Tease and Deny Pleasure
An often underrated aspect of sex is anticipation. It is a key ingredient in arousal, excitement, pleasure, and relief.
While power is an essential aspect, at least some of the appeal of BDSM or other kinky ways to play is about prioritizing and building up anticipation, slowing things down, keeping things out of reach. This is a very large part of chastity play.
Denial and withholding or increased difficulty of access adds an incredible amount of anticipation and pleasure.
Read: Sexual Teasing: How to Sexually Tease a Partner
Adding teasing and denial play is an amazing part of being the chastity keyholder. You focus on and highlight anticipation and arousal.
As the keeper of the chastity keys, you call the shots. You can take him out and play with him or let him play with himself, then wrap things up without his release. You can nearly give in to sex, then decide it’s more important to do the dishes. You can slow dance for him while not permitting him to touch himself. You can do everything to the point of “almost” and then pull back.
Read: Sexual Punishments for Your BDSM Submissive
Have Him Serve
As chastity keyholder, you can command him to do tasks of service for you in the household or to make himself more attractive to you, such as wearing a specific outfit or taking you to a restaurant you like. You can also demand he service you sexually in ways that don’t unlock his cock from the cage.
Read: Submissive Rules and Tasks for Subs
Control the Orgasms If Any
Whether your submissive in chastity play has orgasms or not is up to you, not him. You can experiment with orgasm denial, orgasm edging, and forced orgasms. You can ignore his orgasms altogether and focus only on yours.
Read: Orgasm Control and 9 More Orgasm Kinks
Give Him Tasks to Earn Orgasms
If he wants relief from intense sustained arousal that is a lovely side effect of chastity play, he’ll have to earn it. Give him tasks to do that can earn him reward points towards that goal.
Keyholding without a Key
What is chastity keyholding without a key?
The key is symbolic of your control and authority over his body. Chastity play can be centered completely around obedience and discipline and trust.
You can command him to control his urges and not touch himself or anyone else without a chastity cage on his cock. This can happen even when you are not there, simply because you have said so. He can be punished or disciplined if he fails at obedience and chastity.
Read: BDSM Training: A Guide for Beginners
Do you engage in chastity kinks? Are you a keyholder? Dare to share!
Tell us what you think