If you’re someone who is into BDSM, pony play, foot worship, feederism, or a million other sexy kinks, you might be wondering where you can meet others who share your fetish.
Finding fetish partners and a fetish community is an important part of kinky lifestyles for many people. We want to meet lovers who indulge our fetishes and fantasies, to learn more about sexuality, people, tips, safety, and how to just be ourselves around like-minded people who understand what makes us tick.
Read: What Are My Kinks? 13 Ways to Find Your Kink
You can meet kinky people everywhere. There are kinky people in every community and every demographic. Finding someone who shares your fetish may be as easy as opening up about your kink interests in conversation!
For those of us with very unique fetishes or sexual tastes that are considered taboo or are on many people’s non-negotiable lists. But no matter what your kink—popular or rare, widely accepted or not—you can indeed find other people who share your fetish.
Read: 27 Sexual Taboos That Are No One Else’s Business
13Tips to Meet People with Your Fetish
1. Google Your Fetish and Neighborhood
You’d be surprised what’s around the corner. I just found out there’s a dungeon behind the convenience store on the next corner, a local BDSM support group for older women, a shoe store catering to “people who REALLY love shoes,” a holiday kinky vendor market, and a BDSM munch that meets every week.
Read: 8 Tips to Find Your Kink Community
2. Sign Up for BDSM Munches
BDSM munches are not just in my backyard. There’s probably one or more in your neighborhood too. They’re becoming a “thing” everywhere and their purpose is exactly this—ways for you to meet other people with your fetish.
Read: The BDSM Munch: Everything You Need to Know
3. Be Out If You Are Comfortable
If it’s appropriate and safe to be out about your fetish interests, and it suits your personality, this is one of the easiest ways to meet others with your fetish or who are kinky in general. It makes it easy for them to find you and to know who you are.
If your leather fetish is known at work and play, or your community knows you like to crossdress, or that you are in a 24/7 power exchange relationship, others will readily share their kinks with you and a community will blossom.
This is not always appropriate. Some fetishes are all about your private imagination. Others are not relevant in your workplace or appropriate to divulge in home settings. Use common sense. Some of us have a vocal, transparent personality, and some value discretion and separation of bedroom and work life.
Read: Dos and Don’ts of Coming Out of the Kink Closet
4. Attend Local Fetish Clubs
When you go to fetish events, you’ll meet lots of people with different fetishes including yours. You’ll also see people you may already know from the neighborhood.
Read: Fetish Clubs and Parties: 10 Types of Events
5. Make Fetish Events Your Vacation Destination
You might decide to take a steamy romantic vacation with your lover or your slave. There are kinky cruises, swinger resorts, and BDSM festivals all over the world. You will meet other people with your fetish and stay in touch online.
Read: BDSM Travel Guide: Plan a Kinky Vacation
6. Gauge Interest in Your Online Presence and IRL
You can use soft and suggestive conversation starters to test the waters in your circles and see who is interested, curious, on enthusiastic. For example, suggesting to friends a fetish-themed film will no doubt get you instant insights.
One friend might say they think BDSM is anti-feminist and another will say it’s the ultimate in liberation. Now you know something. Keeping a kinky book on hand does the same trick when friends come over. You don’t have to say anything else about your views. The conversation will take off on its own.
Read: How to Share Kinks before You Meet in Person
7. Attend Local Pride Parades and Parties
LGBTQ2S+ events and other parties are for everyone, friends, family, allies. And not everyone you meet will be kinky. But this community fought hard battles already and is open, inclusive, and tolerant, generally speaking. You’ll find people who share your fetish, and get pointed to others and various resources as well.
Read: Why Women Love Watching Gay Porn
8. Assume that some People You Know are Kinky
Everyone you make contact with has their own unique sexuality and sexual desires, and for some, their fetish is the same as yours. This goes for everyone you meet and know, from the bus driver to your mother!
So, in addition to being open about your sexual preferences when you are able to be, creating an open and tolerant space around you might be the best way of all to find others into your fetish. Pay attention. People share information about themselves all the time. I figured out that my sister’s husband has a foot fetish, for example, from her vast wardrobe of stripper-style shoes.
Read: The Sexually Dominant Woman: Who She Is, and 9 Signs
9. Show Up for Equality, Justice, and Freedom
You can attend marches and protests and learn more about different causes. People seeking freedom to be themselves are often involved in the fight for freedom for other causes, too.
Read: All About Kink Shaming and Why It’s Not Okay
10. Take a Kink or BDSM Workshop
Community colleges, universities, night schools, and sex shops all have kinky courses, ranging from philosophy or literature courses to submission safety workshops. Sign up for these, because everyone else is obviously interested in the subject material.
Read: 11 BDSM Podcasts for Kinky Listening
11. Support Kinky Shops and Business Owners
Maybe there’s a breakfast nook, a computer repair service, or a veterinarian where you know the business owner shares your fetish. Supporting those businesses is one way to build community. Taking your dog to get flea treatment or getting your phone fixed is not about practicing your fetish, but about the big picture, supporting others who share your beliefs and connecting to them.
Kinky vendors markets are becoming more common and offer a wide variety of products and services catering to fetish life. This is a good way to find things you need while meeting people who share your fetish.
Read: How to Tell if Someone is Kinky before You Have Sex
12. Sign Up for Kinky Social Media
Online fetish sites abound, including Fetlife and others. These are not just for dating, but for people to find other people with their fetish, and learn more about community life through shared interests.
Read: How to Meet Women into BDSM
13. Join Fetish Dating Sites
Dating, and joining online dating sites for people with fetishes, means meeting other people who share your kinks. What happens when you date and find you really like each other but there is no chemistry? You become friends! It is very common to connect this way and stay friends with people you click with.
Read: Best Kink Sites and Dating Apps
Where Do You Meet Kinky Friends and Lovers? Please share!
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