Sub drop—if you’ve ever felt a low mood or didn’t feel well following the subspace bliss you experienced during BDSM play, you’ve experienced it.
During intense BDSM sessions, a submissive can go into an altered state, a trance, or another way of describing a floaty, blissful state. This is often called subspace, and it is described by many as a feeling of flying, a high, a sense of peace, unity with their dom, or an out-of-body experience. For many, it is the ultimate goal of a BDSM session.
Subspace happens because of the potent cocktail of chemicals coursing through our bodies and brains. The endorphins and hormones stirred up through the combination of sexual pain and pleasure response flood our nervous system to increase our tolerance for pain. The subspace can be a very cathartic and moving space and often increases trust, bonding, and pleasure. Many subs describe it as a feeling of euphoria.
But then comes the “morning after,” so to speak.
What Is Sub Drop?
Sub drop is the crash and burn that can follow subspace. It is a state of depression or feeling physically unwell, or both. It can happen as soon as the subspace high wears off or show up a few days later.
Sub drop can be mild, moderate, or severe. It can be psychological or physical or a combination of both. If you aren’t aware of it, it can feel scary. and cause unnecessary guilt or shame in response to confusing emotions.
Knowing the causes, symptoms, and how to take care of yourself and each other can mitigate sub drop—the dreaded BDSM “hangover.”
Sub Drop Symptoms
The symptoms of depression are common sub drop symptoms, and other psychological symptoms.
- persistent low mood
- feelings of emptiness
- pessimism
- hopelessness
- sadness
- loss of interest in favorite things
- restlessness
- trouble sleeping, insomnia, or sleeping all the time
- mood swings
- irritability
- feelings of guilt
- feelings of shame
- feelings of worthlessness
- suicidal thoughts
- trouble concentrating
- memory issues
- general low mood
- sense of being isolated
- feelings of disconnection
- loneliness, a conviction that you are alone
- confusion
- fear
- agitation
- melancholy
- up and down moods
- anxiety
- worrying
- bad dreams
Sub drop often manifests with physical symptoms as well. These may include:
- fatigue
- crying
- headaches
- sore muscles
- nausea
- cold or heat intolerance
- cravings (for junk food, sugar, salt, chemicals)
- the chills
- general malaise or feeling unwell
Symptoms of sub drop vary from person to person. Sub drop can feel different every time and can vary in intensity. Sub drop can last from a few hours to a few days or more. It usually starts a few hours to a few days after sub space, but everyone and every time is unique.
Sub Drop Aftercare
The best aftercare for sub drop begins with understanding what it is. What goes up must come down. Sub drop (and dom drop, which is similar but different to sub drop) is often compared to the crash after a candy bender or the blue Monday or black Tuesday after a weekend using too many drugs. This analogy is effective in showing the contrast in moods and chemistry. However, it is different because the common sense solution to the candy crash or using dangerous drugs is “just say no.” Those are preventable, and they are also unnatural.
Subspace euphoria and sub drop are totally natural physiological fluctuations. Sure, we could say to everyone, “just don’t have sex,” in order to skip the depression that can follow orgasm and afterglow. But that isn’t healthy or natural.
Read: 5 Signs It’s Time to Stop a Kink
Understanding the natural physiological changes that bring us to the sub drop mood helps us prepare psychologically and not be afraid of what we don’t understand. Your body and brain are basically withdrawing from the high created by their own endorphins, hormones, and adrenaline surges.
Aftercare begins following the BDSM session, which is usually before sub drop begins. Careful aftercare goes a long way to reducing the intensity of sub drop and creating a loving, bonded, secure, rested psychological state.
Read: BDSM Aftercare: What It’s All About
An experienced dom or domme understands that his or her sub needs good aftercare. This includes touching, reassurance, massage, holding, etc. Showering and clean-up, hydration, and nourishment are ideal. Talking openly and honestly and working through any anxieties or uncertainties helps the sub to center and ground. Yoga or gentle stretches and a nice walk help bring the sub back to earth after some touching and holding.
Read: How to Be a Good Dominant
Continue personal aftercare following sex and BDSM sessions to moderate sub drop. Get lots of sleep, rest, fresh air, sunshine, and exercise. Walking and stretching are really important. Take in plenty of hydrating liquids and avoid sugar. Avoiding all chemicals, additives, and alcohol is a good idea. While I am a big believer in moderate drinking of wine for relaxing and psychological lubrication, a sub whose body has received pain does best to avoid booze following a scene.
Make sure you eat, even if you aren’t hungry or have no appetite. Eat eggs and berries and greens if you can’t manage much of anything. If you can eat, enjoy the sensual and nourishing properties of beautiful meals, like fresh fish, rich broth, salads chock full of various colored veggies, and healthy olive oil. Order sushi, Thai soups, or pho if you can’t deal with cooking.
Make sure to reach out to an open-minded friend or to your dom for intimacy and communication during low points.
Can You Prevent Sub Drop?
Not really. Sub drop is a natural physiological process. But you can make it feel better, a bit more like an afterglow or a mild low, by staying healthy in general, understanding what it is, having a good transition session and aftercare with your lover or dom following the BDSM scene.
Before a scene, and preferably in your everyday life, moderate or eliminate harmful chemicals and junk food, load up on healthy fats, proteins, and veggies, hydrate adequately, and get regular sunshine, exercise, and fresh air. Have happy, healthy friendships and relationships.
Choose who to have your most intense BDSM scenes with so that you can trust, let go, and be supported afterward. Avoid toxic lovers.
Balance pain with pleasure in life in general and during BDSM sessions. Nourish your body and mind.
How do you deal with sub drop? Any prevention or minimizing tips you can share?
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