Just the Tips

BDSM Restraints: What to Know

Handcuffs and Key

In my twenties I remember watching bondage scenes in movies and then porn. It always made me wet, and I wondered if I would ever actually do something LIKE THAT!

Fast forward a couple of decades and I’m happy to share that I have experience with both restraining and being restrained with more than a few lovers.

Was it always perfect? No. Did it always turn me on? No. But I never stopped experimenting with bondage because sex of any kind, especially BDSM, gets messy at times. Not knowing exactly how it’s going to unravel is part of the excitement and fun.

I’ve learned from every bondage experience, and this makes every new encounter better. You can learn a lot from blogs like Kink Lovers, but even more by applying that knowledge. Let me share the tips that will help you moving forward if bondage is your kink.

What to Know before Using Restraints

Who’s Doing What

Is your fantasy to tie up your lover or someone you meet on a dating site? Or do you want to submit to a dominant woman? Are you just interested in playing around and switching roles?

These are all questions worth asking before you grab the rope you’ve purchased at the hardware store from your tickle trunk of toys.

Choice of Restraints

Speaking of toys, there are so many kinds of restraints that it’s important to weigh the pros and cons while also considering what you are trying to achieve and how experienced you are.

A novice may want to use a silk scarf and lightly wrap it around their lover’s wrists to play with the feel of bondage. Someone with more experience may envision silver studded leather wraps, but their budget dictates that they pull a tie from their closet.

Consent and Safe Words

Ideally you want there to be a certain level of trust between you and your partner. But realistically that’s not always the case. I’ve let men I haven’t known very long to tie me up. There may have been a roommate in the other room to allay my fears or I’ve met enough of his friends to feel comfortable.

No matter what the relationship, long-term or casual, you want to make sure this is something you are both one hundred percent into. I recommend having a safeword that the restrained partner can use to stop whatever is going on and/or to be released from the restraints immediately.

What Is Going On during Bondage?

Tying someone up is titillating, but what follows is really the juicy part. A lot of people don’t get beyond the restraint part of things when they fantasize. Imagine tying up the sexy redhead you met online, and then acting awkwardly because you didn’t have a plan.

Do you want your lover blindfolded? Is she going to lie on her back while you explore sensory play? Do you want her over you knee for spanking? Or maybe she wants to tie you to a chair for some interrogation role play? Planning is key here, from both sides.

Transition Time

Trust, consent and safe words, boundaries and limits—all of these are important, but so too is the comedown. Depending on the intensity of what else went on besides restraining, you may want to provide subspace or aftercare.

With someone you live with or have been with for eons, you may easily transition to throwing your clothes on and going out for a bite to eat. But with a new lover you may want to talk about the experience—what you loved about it, what you didn’t, and what you’d like to try the next time if there is one.

What else would you add to this list from your experience or interest in bondage?

Tell us what you think!

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Kink Lovers is the online magazine for kinky people into BDSM, fetish, and kink. If you want to explore your kinky side, spice up your love life, or meet new kinky partners - enter the world of Kink Lovers. Enjoy D/s relationship advice, kink education and resources, BDSM and kink dating tips, fetish facts, and reader confessions.

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