How to Tie Someone Up for Sex

Why Try Tying Up Your Partner?

Have you ever tied your partner up before sex, or dreamed about doing it, or having it done to you? Tying someone up for sex is a popular practice in BDSM, a frequent way that bondage is played out.

Here are a few reasons to tie your lover up.

Establish Your Dominance

When one partner is free to move around and perform actions easily, and the other is restricted and restrained, they are under the dominant’s control and command. This is part of the power exchange dynamic inherent in BDSM.

Read: BDSM and Total Power Exchange Relationships

Intensify the Sensual Experience

Limiting and restricting aspects of sex, such as tying your lover up before sex, or other kinds of bondage, enhances all of their senses. Giving up control allows a more sensual experience in general. Restricting movement and control amps up anticipation and sensation.

Read: Soft Dom 101: 12 Ideas for Sensual Domination

Add Playfulness and Novelty to a Scene

You don’t have to be into extreme forms of BDSM to enjoy the benefits of tying someone up for sex! You can use gentle or light bondage to add novelty, a playful or adventurous spirit, and variety to your sex life.

Using your lover’s scarf or pantyhose already on hand or just tying your partner’s hands together adds flavor and allows new sensations.

Read: Bondage Restraints: 15 Types of Bondage Gear

Create a Beautiful Aesthetic

Tying your partner up for sex can be very powerful aesthetically. Simply seeing your partner tied up on the bed can help you see them in a different way. But some rope arts are incredibly intricate and the intimacy is enhanced by sensual, beautiful aesthetics.

Read: Japanese Bondage: Learn Shibari Rope Bondage

Slow Things Down

By making sex play ritualistic, and adding a time consuming task, the goal oriented frenzy of sex is reduced or removed and anticipation is heightened. By adding elements of BDSM such as tying someone up for sex, everything takes more time and every move is slowed down and savored.

Read: Slow Sex: 5 Tips for Slow Passionate Sex

How to Tie Someone Up for Sex

Talk About It First

You’ll want to discuss and communicate before you tie your partner up for sex. It’s important to share your fantasies and fears and your boundaries, and decide together exactly how things will play out.

Tying someone up for sex can look very different for two different people. Sharing your expectations and limits is in itself a path to deeper intimacy.

Read: BDSM Limits and Boundaries to Discuss

Consent

In BDSM, consent is always the foundation of play and relationships. Talking about BDSM and your fantasies is the first step, and then communicating consent. Be specific—exactly what are you consenting to, when, and for how long, as well as what the limits are, if any, to giving up control.

Read: Should Sexual Consent be Implied or Expressed?

Use Bondage Rope

Ropes designed for bondage are smoother and often beautifully designed. They are much easier on the skin, so that the partner who is tied up for sex does not suffer from rope burns or itching and inflammation.

Read: What Is a Rope Bunny and How Can You Meet One?

Learn and Practice Basic Bondage Knots

There are many resources on how to make basic bondage knots when tying your partner up for sex. You can find books, websites, and videos that offer techniques. You can have fun practicing them together before getting serious. You can also take an in-person or online workshop, or have someone instruct you who is an expert.

You can get very elaborate as there is an amazing variety of knots available, but keep things simple and learn the basics well. If rope bondage is powerfully erotic and interesting to you, you can continue to learn later.

Read: Bondage Positions and Techniques to Try

Feedback and Checking In

It’s important to continually check in on your partner, to make sure nothing is too tight, and to make sure they are still physically and psychologically comfortable. Keep the lines of communication wide open when tying someone up for sex!

Read: BDSM Predicament Bondage Basics and Ideas

Practice Bondage Safety

There are lots of safety concerns with bondage. By keeping things light and simple at the start, you can increase intensity and get more elaborate once you are confident and comfortable in your role tying your lover up for sex.

Simple rope bondage of wrists and ankles with a trusted partner is a very safe form of BDSM. But always use caution against being too tight, and be aware that your partner’s natural movements can tighten their restraints without you realizing, so it’s important to have continual awareness of the bonds.

Don’t restrict your partner’s breathing with a gag or neck bondage, and make sure you learn about safety if you both choose to progress to more risky or extreme forms of bondage. Never leave someone who is tied up for sex alone! And don’t leave them tied up for too long, as circulation can be restricted by restraints or by positioning.

Read: RACK, PRICK, and Other BDSM Safety Protocols

9 Ideas for Tying Someone Up

1. Try Different Positions

Rope bondage and bondage positions when tying someone up for sex get very intricate and elaborate. Bondage is considered an art and is something that can be learned through practice or from experienced rope artists.

Rope bondage can be an exquisite practice and bring tremendous pleasure and beauty into a relationship or an erotic experience. Advanced rope bondage is something that takes practice for both the rigger and the bound lover, who must get used to the positions!

However, not everyone who ties someone up for sex is a rope artist, and not everyone interested in BDSM is interested in complex kinds of rope bondage. Experiment and explore to see where things go.

Read: BDSM Rigger Tips: Getting Started with Rigger Kink

2. The Simple Starter

A very basic form of bondage is to simply tie someone’s wrist to either bed post. This is very light and allows them full comfort and leg movement too, but restricts them from acting and touching with their hands.

Lots of lovers who don’t necessarily identify with BDSM will enjoy light kinky play this way, and it serves as a safe and simple introduction into what restraint may be like.

Read: Light Bondage Ideas: How to Ease into Bondage Gently

3. Spread Eagle

Amp this one up easily by adding bonds to their feet.

4. The Lap Dance

Tying your partner up for sex while he is in a comfortable seated position on a sturdy chair is also great for beginners. Tie his hands at rest behind his back, and his feet, too, if desired.

Read: Chair Bondage Ideas and Positions

5. The Crab

Of the various bondage positions, the crab is both easy to learn to tie, and fairly comfortable for the person you are tying up for sex.

Essentially, your lover is seated with knees up and apart, and arms are tied to bent legs. There is an element of vulnerability and humiliation here, and easy access to genitals for the dominant lover.

Read: Pussy Worship: How to Serve a Woman’s Vagina

6. Tie Your Partner to a Chair

Try the lap dance position above, or find other ways to implement furniture or creative experiments. You can tie your partner up for sex, anywhere, not just the bed. A door frame, on a table, ankle cuffed to the sofa… get creative! Always make sure it’s safe, of course.

Read: 10 BDSM Furniture Ideas for Your Home Dungeon

7. Incorporate Roleplay

It’s natural to feel awkward rather than erotic when you first start tying your lover up for sex. Role play can be fun and spicy, and it can also help you get into the mindset more easily. When we play someone other than ourselves, or imagine we are playing out a particular fantasy, it is easier for some to get going.

In and of itself, role play offers an incredible array of variety, power exchanges, and scenarios.

Read: Sexual Roleplay: A Guide for Roleplay Beginners

8. Teasing and Edging

When you tie your lover up for sex, sex is slower and more ritualized, rather than something to get over with in a few minutes. Everything is foreplay, and foreplay is elevated rather than rushed past.

Teasing and edging are all about bringing your partner to the brink of orgasm and then back, to build the anticipation again.

Read: Edging Tips for Kinky Couples

9. Sensation Play

Experimenting with a variety of sensations that include touch, sound, sight, smell, and taste is what sensation play is all about.

Think about “sensual” and think beyond touch while also thinking of different ways to experience touch. This can include temperature play sensations such as ice cubes or warm water, a feather tickler, sexy jazz or hip hop music, a chilly room, a roaring fire, a fake fur blanket, silk caresses, honey or strawberries.

Read: Sensation Play Tips, Tools, and Ideas

How do you tie your lover up? What do you do when they are tied up?