Tips for Safe BDSM Dating

BDSM dating is exciting, but when our emotions are engaged and aroused, it’s easy to forget about safety concerns.

We all want to believe that online daters are honest and upfront about who they are and what they’re after, but unfortunately we know that BDSM scams exist, and we or someone we know has had a bad experience.

Check out these tips for safe BDSM dating that will help remind you what to watch for before, during, and after meeting a BDSM partner for the first time.

Still not sure where to find BDSM partners? See our recommendations on the best BDSM Dating Sites.

How to Practice BDSM Dating Safety

Before Meeting

If you’ve met someone from a particular community they probably have a reputation, good or bad. Attending BDSM munches are a great way to learn about this kind of thing. It’s always good to spread the word about bad experiences to help others avoid it in the future. And talking people up is a nice thing to do, too.

Reputations can be a comment on anything from personality, play preferences, experience, and levels of respect. People who get hurt emotionally can lie in their BDSM profile so take your advice from a trusted source and use your own impressions to balance the information.

Reputation is moot if you’ve met someone at a BDSM dating site who is new to the game. You really do have to trust and hope that what they say and how they represent themselves is truthful. But you can never know for sure, so this is why the following precautions are important.

Tell a Friend

Always tell a friend or family member when you’re meeting someone new. Tell them where you are meeting, what time, and if you plan to leave the initial meeting spot, let them know. Give your friend contact details and let them know when they can expect to hear from you.

This may sound overly cautious, but I don’t believe there is such a thing. I’ve heard too many bad BDSM dating stories.

You don’t have to make a big deal about this to your date, but letting them know you have talked to a buddy about the details will dissuade someone who is untrustworthy.

Oh, and don’t forget to call your friend when you say you will. A false police call isn’t fun for anyone, and will almost certainly ruin a date that is going well. I’ve also heard that jotting down a licence plate number is a good idea.

Meet in Public

This goes for any kind of dating. Never invite a stranger to your home or go to theirs, no matter how long you’ve been communicating online or how well it seems to be going.

Meet somewhere with people around like a bar or coffee shop – no one likes to make a scene in public. And if something strange does happen, there are witnesses.

Escape Route

The oldest dating plan in the book, of course, is to have your friend call mid-date just to check in on things. If you want to leave without having to be rude you’ll have a made-up excuse ahead of time. You can always say you’re going somewhere later at the beginning of the date and cancel if things are going awesome.

BDSM Play Time

My advice is to save BDSM playing for the second date. It gives you time to reflect on meeting this new person and to chat/text online more about the kind of BDSM play you want to get into.

Okay, okay, I know this isn’t always realistic, and I’ve had my share of one night stands. So, let’s assume you do want to get started on the first date..

BDSM Play Space

Go to their place for two reasons. One, you can leave at any time, and two, if things don’t work out so well, they don’t have your address.

They may be thinking the same thing, so if you can afford it, why not rent a hotel room for the evening (this could also be your initial meeting space – safe and convenient!)

Read: Why Kinky Sex Is Safe Sex

Bondage Beware

Even if bondage this is your favorite BDSM style of play, it isn’t something you should get into with a complete stranger. Even if you’ve just spent hours bonding and think this person is on the same kink page as you, it’s best to be cautious.

If you just can’t help yourself, and you feel a level of trust, keep it light – nothing you can’t get out of. And if they beg to be tied up, give them the loose treatment too. This will help build trust on both sides.

BDSM Safewords

Safewords aren’t just for serious couples. Communication is central to any BDSM relationship so why not see how something as generic as discussing safewords goes. If a person seems uptight about this, you may have more serious issues ahead.

And don’t be shy about using them. If you do use safewords during your initial play experience, it will only help to connect the two of you and tell you if they will be respected.

Read: Safe Words: A Guide to Choosing and Using Them

This post may seem like a mini lecture, but that’s not my intention. I just think it’s super easy to get caught up in the thrill of meeting someone new and forget that risk isn’t just about having your feelings hurt, but also about your personal safety.

Please keep these safety tips in mind when BDSM dating, and have fun!