My friend Paige is kinky, but nothing too extreme. She enjoys exhibitionism, anal penetration, and a high heel fetish.
When her new boyfriend revealed that he was submissive and wanted her to top, she was willing but had no idea what to do. Her experience in BDSM was pretty light—fuzzy plastic handcuffs at most!
Many of you hardcore subs will meet someone you really like who just isn’t into the same things sexually. To really be satisfied, nothing short of being her little slave will do. Since she’s not bent that way, she doesn’t know how to give you what you want.
Don’t assume the two of you can’t have a hot affair! Paige and her beau have the perfect solution: take her to a dominatrix.
Dos and Don’ts for Submissive Men who Want Their Girlfriends to Dominate
DO be as flexible as she is.
If she’s said she’s totally into whipping your ass or pushing those stilettos into your hood-covered face, agree in return to stay lighthearted if things run off course. And make sure you experiment. Her fetishes and fantasies are important too, and you should try them!
DON’T expect perfection the first time.
Practice makes perfect. Whether learning Mandarin, taking up the viola, or figuring out how to top a new slave, don’t be selfish and judgemental when things go more slowly than you would like. Think of it as a journey together, not a one-time event that needs to go seamlessly.
DO train together.
It was really fun for Paige to visit her boyfriend’s domme and learn the ropes from the best, but it was even more valuable for her to share the experience with him. It was about doing something together, and she was able to get feedback from both the dominatrix and her lover. By experiencing sessions together, they bonded deeply and she developed the confidence to please him.
DON’T get too extreme in the beginning.
Trying to throw all of our sexual needs, kinks and fetishes into an early session is greedy, but it also means there’s no point to a sexual journey with someone.
Once I met up with this hot professor. I knew he was into some seriously kinky stuff and I couldn’t wait to play. But ten minutes after we started, he told me that ropes and fucksaws were for baby BDSMers. He wanted to asphyxiate me and do dangerous vampire biting. I ended up leaving before anything happened.
Start slow with your kink exploration. There’s nowhere left to go if you’ve already gone there.
DO choose your date wisely.
Not every vanilla girl you date needs to see a dominatrix for training on your behalf. In general, we look for someone with a similar dating profile in terms of kink interests. Someone you’re just into a casual hookup with, kinky or otherwise, doesn’t need to satisfy every part of your nature.
When you really like someone and want to be with them for more than just a hookup to explore the deeper parts of yourselves together, and when that someone is open to the idea and wants to give you that, then suggest this awesome experience.