Get the low down on financial domination and the world of findom relationships.
A few years ago, I was surprised to receive an e-transfer from a guy I’d chatted with on a kink board. “I don’t deserve my paycheck,” he wrote. “I want you to have it.”
I was a bit confused because I was not a sex worker. I had never asked him for money. And I wasn’t looking for a sugar daddy. I assumed there had been mixed signals of some kind.
Later I learned about financial domination.
What is Financial Domination?
There are submissives who get aroused by the act of giving money to women, usually a dominatrix but sometimes an unsuspecting date. They want to be controlled financially as an act of subordination, or feel they are working to fund the luxury lives of their superiors.
The New York Times ran an article on this kink. They focused on the findom subset of gender and racial politics, where the domination and submission is political, and about reparations specifically to women of color.
In the article, Joe Kort, a sex therapist points out the obvious—financial domination kinks and relationships are about power:
“The money is, in fact, the chains, because dommes are tying up subs financially. The eroticism for the subs comes from feeling owned.”
Findoms and Finsubs
Findoms, (or Findommes), often use social media like Twitter and Tik Tok to post their outfits and exploits of a luxury lifestyle, calling themselves goddesses and demanding money. However, many findoms reserve their domination for in-person relationships and deeper connections.
Finsubs, or financial submissives, are turned on by sacrificing the spoils of their labor to their goddesses, even dommes they have never met in person. Finsubs are sometimes called “pay pigs.”
Findoms are usually women, including transgender women, and sometimes, gay men. The pay pigs are almost always men, and in the financial domination circles, this is the way it should be, because men should pay for their past privilege and power, for the sins of the patriarchy and capitalism.
Read: Female Led Relationships Explained
Why People Enjoy Financial Domination
Why are some guys are aroused by turning into human ATM machines?
The financial domination fetish is considered a subset of BDSM, because it is about domination and submission. The means is money and labor, which many see as a more authentic form of slavery than just dressing up or down and using a few ropes now and again.
For finsubs, the act of giving up their money, emptying their bank accounts, is one they describe as giving them a sensation of calm. Many describe it outright as subspace.
Read: Find a Femdom Seeking Submissive Men
Findom Relationships
A female dominant who wants to take control of their submissive’s finances is not necessarily in it for the cash, but rather looking to extend their domination.
How does money fit in to a financial domination relationship? Is it just about handing over money, an allowance? This is where couples get creative in their exchange and involvement.
Some findoms will demand gifts from a sub or it may be the subs’ initiative to provide ongoing presents to appease their domme. These orders, if not obeyed, may be followed by humiliation or physical punishment.
Read: Femdom Ideas: 38 Ways to Dominate a Male Sub
Submissives may also allow their findom to manage all their finances which include paying bills, providing allowances, and allocating money to certain activities. This type of arrangement is found in many non-kink relationships, too! The sub may also be dependent on their Dom and be expected to beg for money they want/need.
Of course, all of these relationships between finsubs and findoms should be consensual with boundaries and limits set in place. As with any BDSM activity, it’s wise to start slow. No one should be handing over passwords and bank cards to new lovers.
Read: Femdom Relationships: 8 Examples
Financial Domination or Exploitation?
Sometimes, financial domination may involve a continual drain of one’s monetary savings to their dominant. These subs are sometimes called “paypigs”. This type of findom relationships causes much debate with kinksters questioning the validity of such a partnership, wondering if it’s just one person using another in the guise of the BDSM lifestyle. Because so many people judge these subs’ decision, there is a reluctance to discuss this relationship.
Some members of the kink communities at large have voiced concerns of exploitation, as pay pigs also describe the acts as addictive and talk about giving up their life savings. The impact is not just on rich and powerful men being taken down a notch, but felt by their children and families.
Read: Ethical Kink: 7 Values for Responsible Dating
Others feel consent is all that is necessary for ethical transactions, and if some people are stupid enough to empty their bank accounts for a thrill, that’s their problem. Just as a casino is not responsible for how much stupid rich people gamble away, neither is a domme posting hot pictures on social media and asking for money.
If payouts turn him on, who are we to take away his pleasure?
I’m a whatever-floats-your-boat person when it comes to our unique kinks and fetishes. But this makes me uneasy. Not sure if anyone can really give consent to this, but of course, it’s not up to me to tell people what to do.
As for myself, I never accepted that electronic funds transfer. Maybe I disappointed him, but I couldn’t do it.
Are you submissive guy looking to be dominated, financially or otherwise?
Read our article: Where to Find a Dominatrix
Do you have experience with financial domination?
Tell us what you think