For many people, there is nothing hotter than a sexually dominant woman.
To be sexually dominant can be more important than shape, size, hair color, age, or kink profile. It’s an attitude, not a specific attribute or look.
The confidence, hunger, and power of a sexually dominant woman can be incredibly attractive and alluring. You don’t have to be especially submissive to be turned on by a woman who knows what she wants and how to get it.
Read: All About Femdom: 7 Types of Female Domination
What Is a Sexually Dominant Woman?
A sexually dominant woman is, put simply, a woman who takes charge in the bedroom. She takes control in sex.
A sexually dominant woman is someone who prioritizes her own sexual needs. She pursues her own desires, lusts, and fantasies. She isn’t inhibited and communicates her needs so that her partner can accommodate them. She focuses on her pleasure first and takes control of her own needs and orgasms.
Sexually dominant women initiate sex, pursue the objects of their desire, and control the directions sex takes. They do not wait for someone to pursue them, and they do not wait for permission or guidance in realizing their fantasies. They know their partner’s pleasure is magnified by prioritizing their own pleasures.
Read: Femdom Relationships: 8 Examples
What a Sexually Dominant Woman Is Not
Or, more accurately, what a sexually dominant woman is not always.
Sexually dominant women are not selfish, self-centered, mean or bossy. The stereotype historically equated strong women or sexually dominant or equal women with negative character qualities like being bossy, nagging, angry, or arrogant.
Many women are held back from their true natures by these ancient lies. Women are sometimes subservient, timid, or play down their intelligence and lust in order to avoid being perceived as selfish or mean.
Being a sexually dominant woman is not the same thing as being “butch,” being a lesbian, or “acting like a man.” While some sexually dominant women are lesbians, are androgynous, or do identify with masculinity, many more are very “feminine.”
Being a sexually dominant woman is not gender play or role play or being trans, even though some sexually dominant women are those things or enjoy those things.
Read: Femdom Stories and Confessions from Readers
A sexually dominant woman is not even, necessarily, a top, mistress, master, or dominant in the BDSM sense. While she likes to be on top and take charge, she may or may not be kinky. Many sexually dominant women enjoy BDSM or identify as a BDSM dominant. But being a BDSM top is not always the same thing.
Many sexually dominant women are not into bondage, discipline, or sadomasochism. They are not necessarily attracted to submissive lovers. Many prefer lacy red or nude lingerie to black leather. Being a sexually dominant woman can be related to domination in a BDSM sense, but it isn’t necessarily.
Read: Gentle Femdom Guide: Painless Female Domination
Why Men Like Sexually Dominant Women
A wide variety of men find sexually dominant women extremely attractive.
Some are naturally submissive and find psychological and sexual fulfillment in female dominance.
Some men are very strong or powerful in terms of sexuality and sexual personality, and they enjoy the challenge and friction that comes from the power struggle.
Some appreciate the no-nonsense approach because they know what to expect, what to do for her or to her, and they don’t have to read minds or guess.
Some men enjoy being pursued purely for reasons of lust.
Many men find profound psychological and sexual pleasure in putting a woman first and if she is sexually dominant, she insists on that.
Some men simply love women who are open about their sexual desires rather than being shy or embarrassed or uncertain.
Many men find pleasing a woman sexually is a very important part of their own sexuality and sexually dominant women show them the ropes unapologetically.
Some men love the excitement, adventure, and thrill of a woman in the diver’s seat.
Read: Femdom Ideas: 38 Ways to Dominate Him
Why Are Fewer Women Sexually Dominant?
While many surveys and reports show that about two thirds of women have sexually dominant fantasies, women who are sexually dominant are still in the minority.
Not all women with these kinds of fantasies identify as sexually dominant in life, or want to pursue sexuality this way in reality. They may be unable to act sexually dominant out of fear or uncertainty, or they may not want to bring fantasy into reality. Some just haven’t had the chance or given it the chance it requires.
Read: BDSM Roles: 33 Dominant and Submissive Roles
Even in today’s climate of sexual liberation, kink and fetish liberation, and gender equality, a sexually dominant woman is still relatively rare.
Why is this? There are a few different theories.
One is that women are naturally sexually submissive. They are usually smaller and weaker than men physically and from an evolutionary perspective, they are more sexually satisfied being pursued and taken care of by a dominant male.
The problem with this theory is that it doesn’t actually make sense, even in the context of evolution or evolutionary behavior and psychology. In nature, men are often bigger and stronger and more aggressive, but the female is totally in charge. In many species of animals the women call the shots.
The reason may more likely be cultural. Societies and cultures have taught women to be meek, quiet, uncomplaining, and tone down their sexuality. Expressing themselves as sexually dominant women is taboo in many cultures and often it is even punishable by law, or by social stigma. Women are taught to value their reputation, not their sexual desires.
Another theory is quite interesting—it is the possibility that not very many women, even if they are sexually dominant women, are turned on by sexually submissive men.
Read: BDSM Submissives: 16 Types of Subs
Whether this is true or not is anecdotal. There are lots of women who are attracted to submissive men in BDSM and in everyday roles. But are they a minority of the total of women? More studies and surveys are required.
The partners of a sexually dominant woman, whether they are male, female, or gender fluid, do not have to be submissive. They can take turns, they can be egalitarian, they can be in competition, and they can change roles accordingly.
However, many women may not understand that they can be sexually dominant women without being aggressive or cruel. They may equate sexual domination with BDSM alone, and though lots of women love BDSM, some are not aroused or excited by kink and don’t feel comfortable seeking sexual control because they don’t perceive themselves as “dominatrixes.”
Read: Dominatrix Guide: How to Become a Dominatrix
9 Signs She’s Sexually Dominant
Are you a sexually dominant woman? Are you looking for sexually dominant women?
There are often signs that point the way.
1. She dresses to please herself.
Whether she loves jeans and a pixie cut, or pointy boots and tight dresses, she dresses to express her own sexual energy rather than to beg others notice her.
Read: Dominatrix Outfit and Femdom Clothing Ideas
2. She prioritizes her needs, money, job, family first.
Many women are programmed to nurture and ask permission, constantly checking in on everyone else before making their decisions. If she runs her ship by taking care of her own needs and the people in her charge first, she’s in control of her life.
3. She’s confident and secure.
Insecure women or women who seek attention may overcompensate or appear competitive. If her confidence is authentic and natural she may be a sexually dominant woman.
Read: Older Woman Younger Man: 10 Examples of Anililagnia
4. She doesn’t apologize for everything.
Some women apologize constantly. No one should apologize for anything, unless they have actually done something wrong. A sexually dominant woman will take ownership of her wrongs but won’t apologize for existing, taking up space, or having needs.
5. She initiates sex.
A sexually dominant woman doesn’t need permission and doesn’t wait around until her partners or her targets are in the mood. She’ll get you in the mood.
Read: BDSM Foreplay: 20 Foreplay Ideas for Doms and Subs
6. She likes to be on top.
Sexually dominant women find it liberating to “take” you, and directing the nitty gritty—the angle, the thrusting, the speed—lets them get what they need in the most accessible way.
Read: 5 Kinky Woman On Top Sex Positions
7. She doesn’t ask permission.
A sexually dominant woman needs consent and access when she needs it legitimately. She doesn’t just steal what doesn’t belong to her. But she does take what she wants and hold on to what belongs to her. She doesn’t need anyone’s permission unless it is theirs to give.
Read: Should Sexual Consent be Implied or Expressed?
8. She is ambitious
Sexually dominant women have lives of substance outside the bedroom. They go after what they want.
9. She’s independent.
Sexually dominant women rely on themselves and value their own company.
What signs do you look for that a women is sexually dominant?
Tell us what you think