Do you dream of surrender to a demanding, nurturing dominant who loves to make you weak in the knees by delivering orgasm after orgasm? Do you dream of controlling a submissive by catering to their every desire?
Welcome to the pleasure dom!
Read: BDSM Roles: 33 Dominant and Submissive Roles
What Is a Pleasure Dom?
A pleasure dom is someone who enjoys domination through pleasure. They receive sexual and psychological gratification from giving sexual and psychological pleasure to their sub.
Their power comes from the helpless surrender of the sub, who worships with orgasm and gratitude for sexual ecstasy.
If a submissive often serves their dominant, it might be said that a pleasure dom rules their sub, through service. They receive pleasure from giving pleasure.
A pleasure dom is part of a BDSM power exchange relationship. But they prefer to punish with pleasure, rather than with pain. Sometimes pleasure dom relationships or scenes are referred to as “painless BDSM.” This is because a pleasure dom is aroused by pleasure rather than pain, or tops someone who enjoys bondage and discipline or other kinky sex, but does not enjoy pain.
A pleasure dom receives fulfillment by dominating sexually and mentally, and by administering intense pleasure, not pain. The whole experience of a pleasure dom’s submissive might be described as “more pleasure than they can handle.”
Read: First Time BDSM Stories: Readers Share Their Experiences
How to Be a Pleasure Dom
If you get an exquisite sense of control and arousal from giving pleasure and want a partner’s complete surrender or submission to your arsenal of ecstasy, you may be a pleasure dom. You can become a pleasure dom, and bring your sub to the wild heights of your imagination.
Discuss Boundaries and Consent
As with any sexual encounter or relationship, including kink and BDSM, consent is essential. Talking about your desires and needs together and becoming aware of boundaries, whether flexible boundaries or hard boundaries, helps you design the kind of experience the pleasure dom and submissive will both enjoy.
Read: Should Sexual Consent be Implied or Expressed?
Boundaries and consent also continue to be communicated through exploration and experimentation, as simply as “no, I don’t like this” or using a safe word or safe gesture during play.
Discussing fantasies and preferences before connecting sexually helps direct pleasure dom play in a way that will work for everyone involved.
Read: BDSM Limits and Boundaries to Discuss
There are BDSM contracts between dominant and submissive lovers that can be used in any play or relationship. They are often used in BDSM when pain or risk are involved, to make sure that all play is risk aware and includes informed consent. But a BDSM contract can be a good idea for anyone. Talk about it and see if a contract can help clarify both of your needs and desires.
Some forms of pleasure dom play are very intense, such as forced orgasms, and some pleasure dom power exchange relationships extend to other kinds of submission or into daily life. These are some of the circumstances where a BDSM contract can be of benefit.
Read: BDSM Contracts and Why You Might Want One
Top in the Ways Your Sub Finds Pleasurable
A pleasure dom takes pleasure in the pleasure of their sub, so it makes sense that the ways you top will look different with different lovers.
Find out what fantasies and experiences your sub craves through talking about desires, as well as through experimenting and play. A pleasure dom listens carefully .
A pleasure dom also learns a great deal through observation. What kind of porn does your sub regularly consume? What kind of play makes them writhe and wriggle?
Read: How to Build Trust in Your Kinky Relationships
Bring the Orgasms
A pleasure dom’s sub surrenders through pure addiction to pleasure. They cannot help but crave what their pleasure dom gives them. The pleasure dom gets off on giving orgasms, so it’s win-win.
Every person is different, so as the pleasure dom you will cater to the ways your sub’s body works.
Don’t think of an orgasm as the end of the pleasure dom session, but the beginning! And find ways to bring orgasms at all hours of the day and night.
Read: Tips for Better Orgasms
Maintain Dominance and Control
A submissive does not need to be a masochist or to crave pain to want total domination. A pleasure dom is still the boss. There are many BDSM relationship styles that are all about power exchange without pain.
The nurturing caregiver role is a form of domination and authority. Mommy Doms and Daddy Doms are affectionate and nurturing, but they are still the authority. Being a pleasure dom is no different.
You give pleasure instead of pain, but you are still the one to make the rules and be responsible for your sub. A pleasure dom needs to maintain dominance and control.
Provide Pampering Aftercare
Having so many orgasms is exhausting emotionally and physically. As a pleasure dom, you want to provide pampering during aftercare. Give lots of snuggling and physical affection. Nurture your sub with hydration and fresh fruits or by bathing them. Cuddle and nap together for restoration.
Read: BDSM Aftercare: What’s It All About?
10 Ideas for Pleasure Doms
1. Sensation Play
A pleasure dom loves to give pleasure. Orgasms are essential but so are sensual touches. There are so many kinds of physically pleasurable sensations. Explore them together through sensation play.
A pleasure dom thinks about different kinds of touch, like stroking, massage, warm oil, washing hair, gentle tickling, licking, kissing, running water, and different fabrics like silk, satin, and leather.
Think of the other senses too when it comes to sensation play—ambient music, exotic perfumes and scents, the taste of strawberries.
Read: Sensation Play Tips, Tools, and Ideas
2. Multiple Orgasms
For a pleasure dom, there’s no such thing as one orgasm. Give your sub orgasms until they are completely spent.
Read: Tips for Giving Her Multiple Orgasms
3. Vibrators
Use a vibrator on your sub’s genitalia, but also nipples, muscles, and toes. Explore the different ways different vibration intensities can bring pleasure.
Read: How to Use a Vibrator during Sex
4. Dildos and Butt Plugs
Penetration is the ultimate pleasure for many. A pleasure dom has an elaborate toy box with dildos of different sizes and shapes. Butt plugs offer anal pleasure and stimulation safely.
A pleasure dom wants their sub to crave their touch and have orgasm after orgasm, and using dildos to tease and fuck their brains out is one way to get there.
Read: 8 Reasons to Use a Butt Plug during Kinky Sex
5. Orgasm Edging
One way a pleasure dom provides exquisite torture is through orgasm edging. Take your lover to the brink, over and over, without letting them go over that edge. The anticipation and tension is intense, almost unbearable.
Read: Orgasm Control and 9 More Orgasm Kinks
6. Forced Orgasms
A classic BDSM form of pleasure-pain is the forced orgasm. A pleasure dom can command their sub to take it, and continue pushing orgasms on their helpless, tired body. A Hitachi wand secured with bondage is a popular way to achieve forced orgasms.
Read: Forced Orgasm Ideas for BDSM Play
7. Squirting
There are countless ways to experience sexual pleasure. A pleasure dom has endless patience in administering pleasure.
Some women can have a G-spot orgasm or “female ejaculation.” Some women can and don’t know they can, because pursuit of the elusive G-spot ejaculation or “squirting” can require extreme arousal, a lot of patience, and slow, consistent stimulation. A pleasure dom has all the time in the world to help their sub squirt.
Read: Squirting & Cumshots: 4 Kinky Confessions
8. Bondage
Bondage is a form of sensory deprivation and amps up selected sensations through restraint. Not everyone who craves bondage and restraint also wants to experience (or give) pain. We all have unique physiologies. A pleasure dom can maximize the experience of their sub through pleasurable bondage.
Read: Light Bondage Ideas: How to Ease into Bondage Gently
9. Bondage Orgasms
Of course, when a pleasure dom’s ultimate calling is to give orgasms, using bondage while delivering orgasms amps things up even further.
10. Light Spanking
Spanking is so widely enjoyed that it spans kinky and vanilla play equally and the old “swat on the rear” is a classic affectionate gesture between lovers of every stripe. This is because spanking can be incredible pleasurable and deliver wonderful sensations with or without pain, depending who is receiving.
Light spanking does not hurt at all. It is simply a sensation and form of touch. A pleasure dom can use light spanking by hand or with a beautiful flogger, and just keep the momentum and force mild.
Read: Erotic Spanking 101: A Guide for Spanking Beginners
Spanking brings blood circulation into the area which adds to arousal, anticipation, and pleasure.
Are you a pleasure dom? Are you in a relationship with a pleasure dom? Do tell!
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