A BDSM play party is a great way to meet like-minded kinky people in your community, find fetish partners, or learn more about kink practices.
If you’ve been curious about BDSM parties, or looking for different ways to connect with new lovers and old friends who share your passion for BDSM, play parties are a great way to celebrate the kinky community.
There are many ways to explore BDSM and the people who share your kinky interests.
BDSM munches are convo-heavy brunches. Swinger parties or fetish events at nightclubs and festivals are always popular. Visiting local BDSM dungeons can give you access to BDSM furniture and equipment.
A BDSM play party has much in common with any of these, but offers an intimate experience and sense of community at the same time.
What Is a BDSM Play Party?
A BDSM play party is just like it sounds. It is a party, usually privately hosted at a home or sometimes a rented setting, for kinky people who are interested in BDSM.
A BDSM party has a lot in common with a regular party—drinks, music, dancing, conversation, mingling, meeting new people, finding dates or bringing one. But of course, it is focused on BDSM, and offers a space to explore, express, experiment with that part of ourselves.
Read: What Are My Kinks? 13 Ways to Find Your Kink
A BDSM play party can be public or private. It may, in other words, be open to the public, to anyone who buys a ticket or who shows up, depending on the host’s plan. A private party is invite only. This is the same as any kind of house party—the host will choose to open the door to anyone who hears about the event, or to only invite specific friends or colleagues.
Read: How to Find a BDSM Partner
What Happens at a BDSM Party?
A BDSM play party will usually involve similar aspects to parties in general. People will hang out with drinks and snacks and listen to music. They will talk in small groups and mingle and merge into other groups to meet others for conversation and connection. There is usually dancing, formally or informally.
At a BDSM party, guests will dress up in ways that reflect their fetishes. This can range from mild or neutral (all in black, for example, with stiletto boots) to extreme fetish wear such as a latex straitjacket or pony equestrian gear.
Read: Clothing Fetish: Fabric, Clothing, and Costume Kinks
A play party is also about play. There will be stations, areas, or rooms to facilitate BDSM activities.
These BDSM areas may be set up with dungeon equipment and paraphernalia for guests to enjoy. This can include spanking benches, cages, and bondage restraints.
Read: BDSM Clubs: First Time Tips and Inspiration
BDSM rooms may be elaborate and themed, ready for specific kinks or role play such as medical fetishes, rope bondage, pup play, or golden showers. They may just be comfortable areas for guests to use while expressing their personal BDSM fetishes.
There may be private enclaves or rooms where people can play, as well as areas where watching others play is facilitated.
Read: Voyeurism Fetish? 6 Ideas for Your Voyeur Kink
BDSM party guests can participate as much or as little as they wish in the BDSM scenes or sex. Some people go all in and enjoy an evening of amazing sex and trying out favorite or new fetishes, with partners they came with or people they’ve just met. Others may watch or play in lighter ways.
As always in the kink community, consent is expected for everything.
BDSM Play Party Dos and Don’ts
DO Seek Consent
A BDSM party may have a release form or consent contract for guests. Even so, consent is expected between every participant in every scene.
DON’T Assume Consent
Don’t use someone’s toys without permission and consent. Don’t watch others without their consent. Don’t touch someone without consent. Don’t join a scene without permission.
Read: Should Sexual Consent be Implied or Expressed?
DO Focus on Safety First
At BDSM parties, prioritize the safety and comfort of other guests. Safe sex, consent, cleanliness, learning from those with experience in use of equipment or practices, care and compassion, and discretion are expected.
Read: Your Kinky Lifestyle: Who Needs to Know?
DON’T Get Wasted
Enjoy yourself and your treats without going overboard. Don’t drink if you can’t handle your alcohol. Don’t use booze to coerce someone else into something they don’t want. BDSM parties have “blacklists” of guests that act out or overindulge to make sure they don’t show up at other play parties to ruin them.
DO Respect Your Dates and Lovers
If you come to a play party with a lover, respect their comfort and limits.
Read: BDSM Limits and Boundaries to Discuss
DON’T Trespass on Other Relationships or Closed Scenes
Respect the limits of others, including their commitments to their partners. Don’t assume every play area is a free for all. Couples or polycules come to BDSM parties to play together and may not be looking for new partners. Others will be. Focus your flirting attention on them
How to Find Local BDSM Parties
You can look for BDSM parties in your area on fetish websites such as FetLife or other specialty fetish and BDSM sites. Some sex toy stores have community pages on Facebook, Instagram, or on their own websites, or even bulletin boards inside the store.
Read: How to Find BDSM Events and Have a Good Time
Your BDSM fetish community locally may have a mailing list, newsletter, or meetups. Asking around with like-minded colleagues and friends will give you the most information about local events. Lots of events that are public may be advertised.
If you’re at a BDSM party at a nightclub, or at a BDSM munch, let others know you’re looking for BDSM parties to attend. Join mailing lists for kink interest groups in your area. Google BDSM parties and your city or town to see what pops up.
Read: Easy BDSM Hookups for Kinky Singles
Are you looking for BDSM parties? Have you been to a BDSM party Please share!
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