What Is a Soft Dom?
Do you crave nurturing, guidance, and affection? Do you thrive when given boundaries and rules, but you don’t like pain or humiliation? Do you love to take control in the bedroom but can’t stand to hurt anyone, even if they love it?
Soft domination, or gentle domination, might be your thing.
Soft domination is all about taking charge of your submissive, using a nurture and reward approach to achieve your authority. A soft dom loves to give pleasure and does not get off from pain. Gentle domination is about enjoying power, but doesn’t achieve that power exchange from erotic humiliation or degradation.
Read: Gentle Femdom Guide: Painless Female Domination
A soft dom is a gentleman, not a rogue. He commands quiet authority and his submissive naturally wants to please him because he pleases her.
A gentle dom encourages his submissive and nurtures her to be her best. He doesn’t use force or punishment, but his submissive is crushed if he expresses even mild disappointment. She responds to his soft domination by blooming into the best version of herself under his attention and affection.
Read: BDSM Submissives: 16 Types of Subs
Many Submissives Crave Gentle Domination
The world of BDSM is very diverse and it is a spectrum. Most people fall somewhere “in between” than identify as vanilla or into hardcore fetishes.
“Light BDSM” or “sorta kinky” categories attract multitudes—someone’s buying all those fuzzy handcuffs, reading and watching loads of softcore discipline and power exchange erotica.
Bestselling romance novels that are mass marketed are often derided as anti-feminist, but what’s the appeal? The psychological and erotic aspects of these novels is about loving authority and soft domination. Countless women want to be dominated but do not get excited by pain or degradation.
Read: How to Embrace Your Submissive Side
Soft Dom vs Hard Dom
Soft domination versus hard domination is a matter of degree.
A soft dom has authority through strength, nurture, guidance, reward, and affection. Because he gives pleasure, his submissive aims to please him in every way. He is not a sadist and does not get off on administering pain, punishment, humiliation or degradation.
A hard dom uses more intense BDSM tactics like bondage, discipline, pain, and humiliation. They respond to the needs of their submissives, as well as to their own enjoyment.
Read: Humiliation Kink: 18 Examples of Erotic Embarrassment
How to Be a Soft Dom
Pleasure Over Pain
A soft dom exercises his power with the use of pleasure rather than pain.
Yes, for many submissives, pain is pleasurable. But for many others, it is not.
Soft domination is achieved by making a submissive helpless and subservient through pleasure.
Read: Pleasure Dom Basics: 10 Ideas for Pleasure Domination
Maintain a Firm Tone of Voice
A soft dom uses a firm tone of voice to establish and maintain his authority. He sets his boundaries squarely with gentle power.
Rewards Over Punishments
A gentle dom uses reward to command his sub, rather than punishments. When she does his bidding, she is rewarded with affirmations, praise, and pleasure.
Read: Submissive Rules and Tasks for Subs
Dominate with Body Language
Doms also assert their gentle domination through confident body language. A soft dom’s submissive always knows where she stands just by reading his body language.
Avoid Humiliation and Degradation
Erotic humiliation and degradation are important for many kinky and submissive people, but lots of people desire domination who don’t enjoy humiliation. A soft dom avoids humiliation and degradation in favor of affirmation, nurture, and affection.
Read: Read: All About Degradation Kink and How to Play
12 Kinks and Play Ideas for Soft Doms
1. Praise Kink
A praise kink is when someone gets turned on by reward and positive affirmations or praise. While degradation and punishment can be highly erotic for many, others crave their dominant’s praise. Sometimes the praise kink is known as affirmation play.
Read: Praise Kink? Examples & 20 Praise Kink Phrases
2. Daddy Dom (DDLG)
DDLG or Daddy Dom Little Girl is an extraordinarily popular kink or power exchange relationship style.
The Daddy Dom is usually a gentle dom or soft dom figure. All the ways that Daddy has authority are in effect here—nurture, gentle domination, reward, affection. A Little Girl responds to this soft domination like a flower, naturally desiring to be pretty, obedient, pleasant, and sweet for her Daddy Dom.
Read: DDLG Rules: Daddy’s List of Rules for Littles
3. Edging
Instead of using pain kinks, a soft dom may use extreme pleasure. Edging is all about taking someone to the brink of orgasm, to the point they can’t stand the pleasure anymore, then pulling back and doing it again.
4. Forced Orgasms
Forced orgasms show the submissive who is boss. The soft dom controls her orgasms through an excess of pleasure. Using forced orgasms to achieve multiple orgasms, she is helpless from too much ecstasy.
Read: Forced Orgasm Ideas for BDSM Play
5. Hypnosis Play
Erotic hypnosis is when a soft dom puts his sub into a state of ultimate relaxation through gentle touch and spoken affirmations and erotica.
Autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) is a popular style of hypnosis play for soft doms. This involves “aural sex” or auditory pleasure. Whispering and gentle noises combined with breathing sounds and soft dom erotic affirmations are a common style of ASMR.
Read: Under the Spell: Hypnosis Fetish and Hypnokink
6. Explore Roleplay
Soft domination techniques and scenarios are amazing to explore through roleplay.
A few soft dom role plays to explore include therapist and client, teacher and acolyte, daddy or step-daddy roles, or even classic power exchange role plays like cop arrest with a softer authority in play.
Read: Sexual Roleplay: A Guide for Roleplay Beginners
7. Age Play
Age play can be a very sensual and powerful way to explore power dynamics and relationships in a soft dom context.
Read: 11 Age Play Fetishes and Kinks
8. Romantic Dates and Scenes
Candlelight, wine, tinkling glasses, soft laughter, beautiful dresses, silk fabrics, bubble baths—anything that resonates as “romantic” can be used in a soft domination context.
Soft domination is sometimes called sensual domination, and gentle doms know how to please and appeal through all of the senses, achieving psychological and physical pleasure for their sub and themselves.
9. Erotic Massage
Massage is an essential tool for sensual domination because relaxation and pleasure are key to making her putty in your hands!
Read: How to Give a Sexy Massage
10. Soft Bondage
Many gentle doms and submissive people enjoy soft bondage. Bondage doesn’t have to be hardcore or extreme to have a thrill and many enjoy gentle restraint for its heightened effect on pleasure and for its psychological applications of authority.
Read: Light Bondage Ideas: How to Ease into Bondage Gently
11. Sensation Play
The imagination knows no limits and gentle domination is a full-body experience. Sensation play is slow, soft, sensual and makes use of all senses.
Using ASMR or erotic music, hot and cold temperature play, candles or soft lighting, different color lingerie or bedding, feathers, massage tools, oils, scents like amber or oud, silky scarves, and a variety of tactile sensations is what sensation play is all about.
Read: Sensation Play Tips, Tools, and Ideas
12. Find Your Own Style of Soft Domination
Every relationship is unique and as a soft dom, you will find your own fingerprint for gentle domination. Working with your submissive to fulfill her fantasies and needs while using play styles and domination techniques that feel right to you will be a very erotic and fulfilling experience for both of you.
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