Curious about D/s relationships?
A big part of the kink and fetish umbrella is BDSM, so it makes sense that many kinky people identify with the power exchange within bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadomasochism.
If you are into any of these and you are interested in relationships, chances are, you are part of or looking for some kind of dominant and submissive relationship.
Read: BDSM and Total Power Exchange Relationships
What Is Dom and Sub?
Dom and sub are commonly used shortforms for dominant and submissive, and refer to the person and the preference inside of the power exchange dynamic.
A Dom is the dominant person, and the sub is the submissive person.
A Dom or Domme, or dominant, enjoys taking power in a sexual exchange or in a Dom sub relationship and dominating the other person. A sub or submissive enjoys submission to domination in the bedroom or in a D/s relationship.
Poll: How Dominant Are You in Bed?
Doms and subs can be any gender and any orientation.
Some doms and subs use the terms master, mistress, slave, and servant, or they may use other less known or private terms as designations.
The word “dominatrix” is sometimes used as well, although usually today this term references a woman who is a professional dominant, sometimes called “pro Domme.”
Domination and submission in the bedroom or in D/s relationships can be mild, moderate, or extreme, and can be bedroom only or in all aspects of the Dom sub relationship.
Read: BDSM Roles: 33 Dominant and Submissive Roles
What Are Dom Sub Relationships?
A Dom sub relationship is, not surprisingly, a type of relationship where one partner is dominant and one is submissive. This can be in terms of sexuality or it can be throughout all aspects of how they relate to each other.
Early BDSM champion and sexologist Dr. Carol Queen explained the D/s relationship simply in Mind Body Green as “a consensual, eroticized exchange of power.”
Read: Should Sexual Consent be Implied or Expressed?
16 Examples of D/s Relationships
1. Master and Slave Relationship
The Master and slave or Master and servant relationship refers to the classic Dom and sub relationship, where one partner is dominant and the other is submissive. This D/s relationship is established by negotiating consensual boundaries together about how this plays out.
Many people today are uncomfortable with the terminology of Master and slave and prefer to use Master and servant or Dom and sub.
Avoiding the term “slave” is a political signifier against historical atrocities that were not consensual. Others choose to use the traditional language while emphasizing that consent and choice of Master or Dom puts power into the submissive’s hands.
Read: How to Be a BDSM Master
2. The 24/7 Relationship
The 24/7 D/s relationship is often referred to as the total power exchange relationship, because that is exactly what it is.
In this kind of Dom sub relationship, the power exchange is relevant to all aspects of the relationship and of life. The Dom holds authority and control of everything, from sexuality to work and play to social, financial, and domestic life.
Read: 24/7 BDSM: Around the Clock D/s Relationships
3. Female Led Relationship
The female-led relationship is not always related to kink or fetish sexuality, as some vanilla couples choose to have female authority in resistance to historical patriarchy in relationships, for personal preference and personality, or because of their belief that women are the queen or goddess of a home and relationship.
Some FLR, however, are hardcore 24/7 BDSM relationships. In this kind of D/s relationship, the woman calls the shots and has authority over the male. She makes all the important decisions about the home, finance, children and family, work, and more.
Read: Female Led Relationships Explained
4. Femdom Led Relationship
An extreme kind of female led relationship that is also currently very popular in kink and fetish play is the femdom kink and D/s relationship.
“Femdom” just means female dominant, but it is sometimes used a bit differently from female Dom or Domme because it implies the dominant side of a sissification or forced feminization fetish. A sissy, bimbo, or an otherwise extremely submissive male who submits to sissification kinks, and a femdom, may be in a femdom led relationship.
Read: Femdom Relationships: 8 Examples
5. Cuckold Relationship
Cuckolding is a kink where the male gets off on the idea or reality of his partner having sex with other men. It is a style of polyamory where the female seeks other partners but the male does not. Her affairs are for her enjoyment but also a turn on for him.
This is an untraditional or unusual (but becoming very common and popular) D/s relationship because the woman is dominant and the male is submissive.
He is usually turned on by humiliation play. For example, it may be a turn on to perceive that she seeks other men because he cannot satisfy her sexually. He may be into small penis humiliation and other forms of degradation, such as being “forced” to watch her and her lovers, or fluff or clean up.
Read: 15 Types of Cuckolds and Their Fantasies
6. Owner and Pet Relationship
This Dom sub relationship style can be very playful or it can be a very strict training style relationship. Puppy play and kitten play kinks refer to fetishes where people enjoy acting and dressing up to reflect that animal, and using equipment and paraphernalia related to them.
This kink can be very playful, but for many people it is a kind of BDSM and the sub puppy or sub kitten desires a Dom or owner or trainer.
Read: Pet Play: All About Animal Roleplay
7. Brat Dom and Sub Relationship
The brat is a natural rebel—playful, needy, and desperate for discipline. The brat requires a lot of attention and care from their Dom. They act out in a bratty way to get more attention and affection from their dominant.
The brat relationship is not a traditional D/s relationship style, but in recent years has resonated with lovers who enjoy domination and submission as well as power exchange dynamics beyond classic BDSM. A brat could be explained as a kind of Little who is more of a rebellious teenager archetype.
Read: Brat BDSM and the Brat Kink Explained
8. Adult Baby Diaper Lovers (ABDL) and Caregiver Relationship
Not all ABDL kinksters are into BDSM. For many, it is the diaper play itself or regressive age play that works for them. However, for many adult babies, the power exchange or D/s relationship is a huge part of their kink. ABDL can involve an adult baby and a caregiver who is in charge.
Read: ABDL 101: Types of Adult Babies and How They Play
9. DDLG and MDLB Relationships
Daddy Dom Little Girl (DDLG) and Mommy Domme Little Boy (MDLB) are extremely popular kinds of D/s relationships. Many people enjoy regressive age play in Little Space, a kind of subspace where they can leave their adult cares behind and regress to a place of nostalgia with no responsibilities.
Littles may enjoy children’s toys, nostalgic cartoons, and dressing up in vintage kid’s clothes. Some Littles are also into BDSM, or they experience Little Space as a kind of submission to authority and power. They need a caregiver to give them attention, affection, and discipline. Littles and caregivers can be occasional or scene specific relationships, or they can be ongoing D/s relationships.
Read: Littles and Little Space: An Introduction
10. Polyamorous Dom Sub Relationship
Many D/s relationships are monogamous and many are polyamorous. Poly D/s relationships are just the polyamorous parallel of monogamy based Dom sub relationships.
Read: Why Polyamory Works for Kinky People
11. Chastity Keyholder Relationship
Chastity play is a BDSM kink where the male depends on the female for permission and control over when, where, and how he uses his dick.
Many men find that abstaining from masturbation and sex unless a woman dictates and desires it from him amps up the intensity of sex. In the context of a chastity D/s relationship, chastity play extends from the bedroom into the whole relationship, where she dominates and holds the power.
Chastity keyholder relationships are Dom sub relationships that are sometimes just called keyholder relationships. This is because chastity play often involves literal cock bondage with a cock cage. She holds the literal or figurative key.
Read: Keyholder Chastity Tips and Ideas
12. Findom Relationship
Financial domination usually involves men who are turned on sexually and psychologically by the idea of financially serving a woman. This can be an occasional kink or a D/s relationship that is full-time financial slavery. He may enjoy the humiliation of working all day to pay for her luxuries as a form of worship.
Findom differs from more traditional “sugar” relationships because in those cases, say, where an older man pays for a young woman’s fancy clothes, handbags, or car, she is indebted to his kindness and acts like arm candy, eye candy, and provides sex and affection. In findom, the sub seldom even sees or even meets his Domme. He is sometimes called a pay pig or human ATM.
Read: Findoms and Financial Domination Relationships
13. Sugar Daddy or Sugar Mama Relationship
The sugar daddy or sugar mama relationship is usually between a beautiful younger person and a wealthier older person. It’s common, but has an unusual Dom sub relationship psychology because both parties dominate in some ways and depend on the other for consented to favors or exchanges.
Ultimately the sugar daddy is the Dom or the sugar mommy is the Domme, holding wealth and power.
Read: Older Woman Younger Man: 10 Examples of Anililagnia
14. Switch Relationship
This Dom sub relationship involves one or more lovers who switch sides of the power exchange dynamic. Many people identify as both dominant and submissive, or as both sadist and masochist, depending on the circumstance. The switch relationship means the partners may exchange roles.
Read: Switching from Dominant to Submissive
15. Domestic Discipline Relationship
Spanking and spanking psychology are enormously popular as kinks and parts of power exchange relationships. Behind closed doors, all kinds of consenting adults are involved in consensual corporal punishment agreement.
While spanking is a mainstay of BDSM, some spanking lovers do not enjoy any other forms of BDSM expression. The domestic discipline relationship is a Dom sub relationship that incorporates corporal punishment not just as sassy play but as part of the psychology of the relationship.
Read: Erotic Spanking 101: A Guide for Spanking Beginners
16. Long-Distance Dom Sub Relationship
Just like some monogamous couples hold long-distance relationships, so too do D/s relationships exist. Modern technology makes it easy to play out a Dom sub relationship, keeping tabs and tracking someone with GPS, smartphones, and through texting orders. There are even electronic chastity cages and much more.
Can Long-Distance Love Work For You?
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